Questology 101
by GoodKing0
Summary: Gather close that you might hearken the story of the 6 Heroes of Greendale, entrapped in a world of Dungeons and Dragons, and of the DM who guided them back home (WARNING!: Spoilers up to Community Season 4, Jeff/Annie, Troy/Britta, mild violence, poor understating of D&D mechanics. Also, English is literally my second language, so there could be errors). Rated T just to be sure.
1. Prologue

**A N: I Own Nothing. Please don't sue me.**

It was the night after Jeff and Pierce graduation, and the Study Group was celebrating the event. Gathered at Casa AnTrobed, the seven of them, sitting around the table, were playing Dungeons and Dragons.

"… Your group approaches a river where two Dire Bears are peacefully drinking, what do you do"

"We carefully go around the Dire Bears in order to pass the river without disturbing their…"

"I cast Magic Missile against the nearest Dire Bear"

"WHAT?" Britta said indignantly. "Why would you do something like that?!"

"Because I can, Blondie"

Abed rolled a dice. "Pierce, your spell misses the target, hitting the ground near the Dire Bears and enraging them"

"Great, now we have to kill another couple of animals which only crime was the one of existing in an Anti-Naturalistic environment filled with…" Britta was then interrupted by the group collective groaning "Fine, but I will not have part in this massacre" She said, crossing her arms and leaning back on the chair.

"The Dire Bears attack Britta's character, causing" Abed stopped briefly to roll a dice "18 of damage"

"Why?! I was trying to help them!" She said, almost falling for the shock.

"By the confused growls of the Dire Bears you can distinctly understand the words "Because you are the worst!"" Jeff said, without looking up from his phone.

"Jeff, stop insulting Britta with the NPCS! That's Abed work!" Annie said, smacking Jeff arm from the seat near him.

"Thank you Annie… I guess" Britta said unsurely.

"Guys, that's all very nice, but we can please stop arguing and finish the game? Someone here is a wife and a mother, you know" Shirley said sternly.

"Cool, the Dire Bears began to approach you and then…" Abed stopped, stiffening. He suddenly cocked his head toward the Blanket Fort, where the Portable Dreamatorium was and stared at it, motionless.

"Abed, what's wrong?" Annie said frowning, touching his friend arm. "Abed?" Troy began to say before popping his eyes out and Screaming "OH GOD! Abed is broken! What have you done to him, Shirley?!"

Shirley looked at his friend mortified: "I don't know, I didn't want to break him, I just wanted to go home to my husband and children!"

Under the look of his six concerned friends, Abed blinked and looked back at them, easing himself in the chair "I felt a great disturbance in the plot" he said, like it explained everything.

Jeff scoffed, returning to look at his phone "He's quoting Star Wars, He's back to normal". He then glanced up, seeing his friend silently counting backwards with his hand from five, mouthing numbers. "Under a given value of normal" he said, before being smacked again in the arm by Annie.

"A-bed, what are you counting for?"Pierce asked just before Abed reached zero. Then, a loud Crack was heard, followed by a bright light. Then silence. Wind entered from the open window, as the Character Charts began to whirl in the empty room. And so, our story began.


	2. Six Characters In Search Of A Question

**A N: As much as I would like to, I don't own Community. Yet.**

**A N 2: Also, I shouldn't see season 5 spoilers. They just make me feel more depressed about Jeff/Annie.**

_It was a sunny day. Tiny, white Clouds were drifting above the meadow, letting most of the sunlight reach the blades of grass. Butterflies of various colors were flying around, their sole purpose in life making the place cuter. Few feet away, a stream was flowing toward a forest, two bears drinking from it. The silence was almost total; the only sound audible was the chirping of the birds from the tree. An occasional traveler would have believed that no human had ever set foot on this magical place before him._

_Of course, the loud crack that he would then have heard would have proved him wrong._

_Six dumbfounded people appeared shortly after, falling on the ground as their chair had just disappeared from under their seats. Screams filled the air, as the two bears lazily raised their heads to look toward them._

Britta rose first from the ground, shortly followed by Jeff and Shirley. Pierce and Troy were still on the grass, confusingly looking around. Annie was instead calmly raising from the grass, slowly flailing her arms in front of her, a dreamy look on her face.

"What Happened?" Britta asked at Shirley, the first person she found, "Where the hell are we?!"

"Why I should know?!" Shirley yelled back, resentment in her voice.

"I don't know!" Britta yelled louder, "Why are you yelling at me?!"

"Why are YOU yelling at ME?!" Shirley yelled threateningly, ready to hit Britta.

"GUYS!" Jeff bellowed, stopping Britta and Shirley before they torn each other apart.

"That's not the time to panic…" He began to say, trying to calm the two agitated women.

"Not the time to panic?!" Britta interrupted Jeff, indignation in her voice. "Jeff, maybe you didn't notice, BUT WE ARE ON THE SET OF A DISNEY CARTOON!"

As Britta yelled that, various the butterflies that were flying around the field gently landed on Annie's arms, their possessor staring with a dreamy expression at the scenery, a broad smile on her face.

"Annie?" Jeff called, frowning deeply at her. Annie didn't notice him, her eyes instead staring at the scenery, unfocused.

"Great, and now Annie is high!" Britta shouted after noticing her friend state, frustratingly shaking her fists in the air, "We are all doomed!"

"Get a grip of yourself, Britta!" Shirley commanded, her authoritative voice in action. Britta immediately stopped rambling, her eyes casted down in shame, "Yes, Ma'am".

"I've been thinking of what had happened here, and I believe there's only one logical conclusion…" Shirley continued, sweetness overtaking her voice as usual "… we are now in Heaven".

After trying for some seconds to keep a serious face, Jeff and Britta began to laugh, stopping only some seconds later, after seeing the menacing look on Shirley face.

"The bright light seen before was probably the Rapture, bringing us here before the beginning of the Apocalypse" Shirley finished under the unconvinced look of her atheist and agnostic two friends.

"Okay, so… If this is heaven, why we're here with you?" Britta said, skepticism dripping from her words.

"Oh, probably the Lord must have heard the many prayers by me delivered to save my friends souls" Shirley explained, causing an Awww from Annie. She then looked surprised at the butterflies still on her arms before beginning to giggle hysterically.

"And why Annie seems on drugs right now?" Jeff tried to deadpan, concern crippling his voice.

"Probably because Annie, being the pure and nice girl that she is, is already feeling the divine nature of this place, contrarily on you two, still attached to material desires, and me, preoccupied for the well-being of my husband and sons" Shirley explained, as insecurity began to creep in her voice the moment Annie started sniffing a butterfly.

"And so, if Annie is "feeling the divine nature of this place" because of her purity and nicety, why also Pierce seems on drugs?" Britta said, gesturing toward the still seated man who was looking around with an amused look on his face, "Or why is he here in the first place?"

"Well…" Shirley trailed off, trying and failing to find a convincing answer at the question.

"You now instead what I think it happen?" Britta began to say, "I believe that the government…" without even beginning her rant, Britta was then interrupted by the collective groaning of her six friends.

As Annie groaned, the butterflies flew away from her arms to go to Jeff direction, toward the forest behind him. She briefly watched them depart, casting then her gaze on Jeff, her dreamy eyes growing wider.

Trying and barely succeeding to look unaffected by Annie's gaze, Jeff, taking advantage on Britta's silence, began one of his speeches.

"Look, the answer is simpler than divine forces shenanigans or shadowy 1984-like conspiracy theories…" Jeff began, Shirley and Britta looking at him questioningly, Troy and Pierce still sitting on the grass in some sort of stupor, and Annie still engrossed on Jeff contemplation. "…Somebody, probably Chang, tried to pull a prank on us after my graduation. He must have settled a stun bomb in the apartment so to make us unconscious, kidnap us and dump us in the middle of a field. However, he forgot that I've become a lawyer again, and that, once returned to civilization, I will make his life so miserable that he will consider suicide the best option available" He finished, a wicked glint on his eyes.

The two women stared at him in silence, a concerned look on their faces. Britta was the first to speak their thoughts: "Alright, first off, you're starting to sound like Pierce…" Jeff cringed at that, "… second, a prank so elaborate would require months of preparation and coordination, not to mention the quantity of work, personnel and stuff that no no-government founded agency could afford, let alone a Greendale prankster, and third…" "…Why are you wearing a kilt?" Annie, her voice soft and relaxed, stopped Britta's rant while staring at Jeff's attire.

"Uh?" With a surprised face, Jeff looked at his clothes, founding himself inside cloak, leather jacket, red kilt, boots, and a dagger on his belt.

"I don't know" he answered dully, his eyes clouded, as his brain had just turned off at the sight of him wearing a kilt. "Why are you wearing a dress?" he asked, distractively passing an hand trough his hair to check if they were still there. They were.

Annie looked down at herself, gasping at the sight of the white silken dress she was wearing, broad enough to cover her from shoulders to toes, yet with a neckline that revealed most of her cleavage. She hurriedly crossed her arms to cover her chest, blushing hard, finally back to reality.

His brain still too shaken to filter his emotions, Jeff endearingly smiled at her, who, still blushing, smiled back at him. They locked gazes, and it seemed to both of them that they were the only person in the meadow.

The sensation lasted some seconds before being interrupted by Britta's groaning of disgust. "That's not the moment to googly eyes each other!" she yelled, causing Jeff and Annie to hurriedly cast their eyes on the ground "Especially after finding out that whoever brought us here is probably another federal pig trying to objectify the bodies of three women for the sake of a technocracy that…" Britta's rant was then interrupted by her six friends groaning.

"Britta, I'm not here to nitpick" Annie nitpicked, her arms still covering her chest "but both your Robe and Shirley's armor doesn't seem so much revealing."

"Yeah, I would think that too, if the federals hadn't left me naked under this robe!" Britta yelled.

An awkward silence rose between the group of friends.

An awkward silence immediately interrupted by Pierce.

"Who's naked?!" he bellowed, raising on his feet at a remarkable speed for a man of his age.

After a quick look at his friends, Pierce turned his gaze toward Jeff. "Jeffrey, I see that you are finally revealing your true colors" he said, noticing Jeff kilt "Unfortunately, I forgot back home my speech about this moment…" he continued, patting the purple robe and pointy hat "… speaking of forgetting, it appear that Brittles isn't the only one here not wearing underwear…" four looks of disgust were directed at him "… not that I'm complaining" he winked toward the general direction of his friends, now all engaged in the task of not vomit.

"Putting aside Grandpa Flatulent comments here…" Jeff began to say, first in recovery his mental sanity after Pierce comments "…I suggest to awaken Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum here from their trance, and find…" Jeff stopped abruptly, staring at Troy. The stupor long gone, Troy was rocking back and forth on the ground, his arms around his legs, his head on his knees, copious yet comical tears running down from his eyes. Abed nowhere in sight.

"Guys!" Jeff said, uneasiness in his voice "Where's Abed?"

_And so it began the Adventuring Study Group quest to find Abed the Undiagniosable, heir of the ancient royal family of the reign of Nadir, a quest who would have bring to them great emotional loss, material treasures and…_

"His that you, Abed?" Troy shrieked, looking up from his legs "Where are you?! Where are we?!"

_The question isn't where, Troy, but when._

_And dramatic fade to black!_

"Abed!" Jeff shouted "Wherever you are, I've already told you, we are not in a TV show, there are no such things as…"


	3. For the Power of Infodump!

**A N: Not Owning Is Half The Battle.**

**A N 2: Also, It is plagiarism if the plagiarized plots, characters, places and stuffs are fruit of the Undiagniosable mind of Abed? He considers his world to be a TV Show, and he is a Pop-Culture Master, of course he will generate quests soaked with references to other Medias. That I absolutely don't own.**

**A N 3: And as always, JEFF AND ANNIE! TOGHETER! NOW!**

"… Dramatic fade to black!"

_It's more of a fade in now, actually._

"Abed…" Troy sobbed, stopping Jeff's retort, "Why we can't see you?" He then popped his eyes out, continuing with amazement, "Did you turn invisible?!"

_No, Troy, I didn't turn invisible._

"Oh" Troy deflated at that, "so what happened to you?"

_I've just become an omniscient disembodied being gifted with omnipotence._

The wind began to gently blow through the meadow as the information sunk in the group's minds.

"WHAT?!" They shouted collectively, various ranges of confusion and discomfort in their voices.

"Abed…" Annie began nervously, "… Are you telling us that you have just become…" Annie stopped, a worried glance casted toward Shirley "… God?"

_Yes and no._

Another awkward silence filled the air.

"Oh, come' on guys!" Britta said with an edgy laugh, "Abed cannot be God!"

"Why not?" Troy snapped, his brain still trying to handle the gravity of the information "He was once!"

"No, he wasn't" Shirley retorted in a low voice.

"Because he cannot be something that doesn't exist." Britta explained, unaware of Shirley's interruption.

"Sadly, I have to agree with Britta this time" Jeff said, "I've yet to see the astonishing wonders that will make me believe in the existence of any god."

"Well, you're wearing a kilt…" Annie stated, "… to me, that seems a pretty astonishing wonder"

"Thanks for reminding me, Annie…" Jeff said, cringing, "… however, I've got several plausible explanations for that, and all of those explanations doesn't involve Abed being God. And me being Gay is not one of those, Pierce!" He said before the older man had a chance to speak.

Pierce smiled serenely at him, "Jeff, it's too late to return in the closet now, you should just admit your diversity. We will not judge you."

As animosity began to grow between the six friends, Abed spoke.

_As much as a contrived theological argument about Omnipotent Beings would have brought some serious spiritual character growth in the group, I have to stop you._

_I'm not the classical definition of God._

"Oh" Troy said, disappointed "So, if you aren't God, what are you?" He then asked curiously.

_I'm a DM._

"What?" Jeff said, dumbfounded "DM as in… Dungeon Master? You're saying that we're in a game of Dungeons and Dragons?"

_Yes and no._

"Yes and no?!" Jeff said, "What do you mean for "yes and no"?"

_I would like to explain to you all the implication of my sentences, but we're wasting precious time here._

"Well, Mr. "Dungeons Master", maybe if you would be so kind to explain to us poor mortals what the hell is happening, we wouldn't have wasted so much time!" Jeff shouted at the air.

_I detect sarcasm in your voice. You don't believe me._

"But why I shouldn't believe you, Abed? You've just stated that we're now inside an RPG, and that you are the man who decides of our fates! I bet that that's a dream come true for you!"

_Jeff, your sterile arguments are slowing us down. You're forcing me to use one of my DM's powers to end this. I'm warning you that…_

"You're warning me, Abed? And if I don't follow your orders, what will you do? Roll a dice? Scribble on some sheets? Tell us we're killed by a falling rock?"

_Yes and no._

_INFODUMP._

"What does that even…?" Jeff stopped abruptly, his knees falling on the ground as his head felt the pain of infinite sledgehammers being banged against it.

The rest of the group followed him shortly after.

_This is an Infodump. All of the necessary knowledge will be now implemented directly in your memory, as I already had this speech with you. This will be painful, but will speed up the exposition scenes. All the information that you acquire by an Infodump are, necessarily, true._

_The light seen back home was a Genre Shifting. It means that the genre of our show has now shifted from its original "Whacky Sitcom" flavor toward a "Low Fantasy" setting, like "Game of Thrones" or "The Legend of the Seeker". I'm unaware of why that happened._

_The first clear consequence of this has been the world jumping. You are now inside the quest you were beginning to play at home. I've designed it by taking inspiration both from the real world and from other Medias; so many aspect of this world will look familiar to you._

_Another consequence of the genre shifting has been the adaptation of your characters to the setting. You've now gained the standard clothes, weapons, abilities and powers of the class considered by me, the DM, appropriate for you. Your game statistics and alignment will be, however, inspired by your actual skills and personalities more then by the statistics and alignments required for your classes. Despite that, all the memories and abilities from your previous life have been kept, safe, in your mind. You will not lose them._

_Despite that, this is NOT a game of Dungeons and Dragons. This is a low fantasy world built on its own rules, rules that will probably sometimes differ with the ones of the game. So don't expect much consistency while here._

_By the way, the confused state in which Pierce and Annie were before was caused by the sudden introduction of raw magical force inside of their bodies. If you hadn't snapped them back with the reminding of carnal issues, they would have stayed it that state for a long time._

_Let's talk about your classes now._

_Jeff, you are a Lawful Evil Rogue. Your class is based on sneak attacks and the use of your silver tongue. It means that with the right speech you could convince everyone to do everything. Being the character with the highest charisma, you're by default the group leader. Also, sorry for the kilt, I needed something to snap the spell casters from their magic induced stupor._

_Annie, you are a Lawful Neutral Cleric. You're a standard white mage, her class based on the magical healing and protection of your teammates. And on mind raping spells. Lots of mind raping spells. Your clothes are also both an homage to Kahlan Amnell's confessor dress from "The Legend of the Seeker" and also a form of Fanservice to distract the male audience from the amount of violence shown._

_Britta, you are a Chaotic Good Alchemist. You were supposed to become a Druid, but I suspect that you Britta'd it, dodging the magic addressed to you by quickly standing up. Because of that, not only now Pierce posses double amount of magic, but also I had to suddenly change your class while being forced to leave you with the same clothes and equipment. You will probably need to change them in the nearest town._

_Troy, you are a Chaotic Good Barbarian. Your clothes are a clear homage to He-Man from the cartoon "Masters of the Universe", and you smash stuff with double strength when enraged. I've also given you a Club of Troll-Repelling. Until you don't lose it in any way, you should be fine._

_Shirley, you're obviously a Lawful Good Paladin. You can heal your teammates using divine spells while shattering enemies with your broadsword. You weren't affected by the magical stupor, as you correctly guessed, because of your concerns for André and your sons. Don't worry, times passes more slowly here, like in Narnia. By the time we return home it will be passed only a minute. Hopefully._

_Pierce, you're a Chaotic Evil Wizard. You also posses both yours and Britta's magic. To compensate those facts, and to protect those around you, I've stripped you of the knowledge about magic and spells that I gave you, Annie and Britta. You will have to learn how to cast them. I hope this will help you learn that from great powers comes great responsibility. _

_I've become the DM of this campaign and, by standard, I'm True Neutral. I've no physical body, and I can talk to you only by means of a voice in your heads. Only you can hear me. I cannot read your thoughts, so you will be forced to address me with a loud voice. The Infodump that is giving you those information is one of my many powers. I can only use a power per day, and I cannot use them to directly influence your journey. Also, I cannot give you story-related information before you discover them first. Those are the rules._

_One last thing. I suspect that the only way to leave this world is to end the quest that we were playing. Unfortunately, I cannot give you any kind of advices about it. This means that you cannot cheat your way to victory going directly at the end of the quest. I can only tell you your first step in your journey once this Infodump will end, but you will have to face it from the beginning to the end, fighting the many dangers of this dimension. Sorry. I'm so sorry. But this is the only way. Good luck._

As the speech impressed itself in their memories, the six friends stared at the grass, the pain in their head weakening.

"Never…" Jeff began, the first to regain the use of language, "Never do it again"

_You forced me to do it._

"And I regret that moment with all my strength"

_Cool. Cool cool cool._

"Okay…" Jeff said, staggering from the ground with the others, "… So, what do we do now?"


	4. Let's Split Up, Gang!

**A N: I don't own Community.**

**A N 2: What I own, however, is a double axe. That I'm casually swinging around while softly ****_"suggesting"_**** for Jeff and Annie to get together. Like, right now. If they know what's better for them.**

_And so the six heroes began their journey in the wondrous world of Fantasyland, as they leaved the meadow to walk to the capital of the small reign they had landed, where they hoped to find, if not a way to return back home, at least food, shelter and more appropriate clothing. Their minds were still trying to unwrap the impossible truth revealed to them by their now God-like friend. Only few hours before, their preoccupations consisted only in trivial family issues. But now, under the rays of a foreign sun, more pressing matters were beginning to arise. Like…_

"… Where will I find some decent hair products in a world still in the Middle Ages?!" Jeff said, he and the rest of the study group following Annie, bearer of the map, toward the top of an hill "Abed, Being a living voice over doesn't give you the rights to actually DO a voice over, so stop narrating everything we do!"

_As the official narrator of our campaign, I must describe everything that the audience could have missed during the break._

"Guys…" Annie said, interrupting Jeff next retort, "I think that we can see our destination from here"

Finally reached to the narrow and bare top of the hill, the six friends admired in awe the sight in front of them, crowded together, Jeff, Shirley and Pierce directly behind Annie, Troy and Britta.

Several miles away from them was standing a huge castle. A white, tall tower rose up from the center of it, a green flag on its pinnacle, as numerous other towers, each varying in size and height, were crowded near it. A white, circular wall surrounded the building, as a yellow road departing from the open gates to then disappear behind the snow-capped mountains at the back of the structure.

"Great, a fairy-tale castle, like we needed another…" Britta began to rant before being stopped by Troy's hand landing on her mouth.

"Don't be a buzz-kill, Britta" Troy said, awe in his eyes.

"Mpfhh mpfhh" Britta mumbled, a pout on her face.

"It's beautiful" Annie said breathlessly, transfixed by the sight.

"Yeah…" Jeff said, his gaze not addressed at the castle, "… It really is."

And as Annie felt Jeff's eyes on her, she slowly turned her head, raising her eyes to meet his. The two of them began to approach each other mouth, the others still fascinated by the sight to notice them, until…

_That's not our destination._

Jeff hurriedly withdrew his face from Annie's. Annie briefly looked back at Jeff, now engrossed in the activity of sightseeing, before turning her face to look at the castle, sighing.

_That's the City-Castle. I've added it only to improve both scenery and the back-story of some of the characters. I doubt we will ever go there._

"Mpfhh mpfhh… MPFHHHH!" Britta muttered, her mouth still covered by Troy's hand.

"Oh, sorry Britta" Troy said, hastily withdrawing his hand from her lips.

"What I was trying to say…" Britta continued, a scornful look directed toward Troy, "… If that isn't our destination, where are we going?!"

_Look further down._

The six of them diverted their eyes from the castle, casting them on a town formed by numerous grimy looking structures overhung by a grimier looking fortress, somewhere between the hill in which they were standing and the City-Castle. The town was surrounded by a wooden, rectangular wall, four gates each side. The fortress, dwarfed by the one on the background by many sizes, was a grey, square building, the ruins of four towers emerging from the corners of it. The buildings, all of various shapes and sizes, were grouped closely together, black smoke coming out from some of them. Four long poles were planted near each gate, each of them displaying the same flag.

_That, my friends, is Greendelia, capital of this reign. In your life, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious._

_The fortress in the middle of the town is the "Palace of the Community", where the King lives. The whole city is subdivided in various districts, all patrolled by the Policepersons or, if near the palace, by the Dalmaguards, the private protectors of the king. That building near the front gate is the Prohibited Library of Spell-casting, named after Prohibited the Blue, wizard. I must warn you that…_

"Wait a minute…" Troy interrupted Abed, his brows furrowed, "… isn't that the Greendale Butt-Flag?"

_… Maybe._

"Yeah…" Jeff said, realization hitting him, "That's definitely the Greendale Butt-Flag!"

"Guys…"

_I've told you during the Infodump that many aspects of this world would have looked familiar to you._

Annie gasped, "That means that that city will be a spoof of our college?!"

_I prefer the word homage._

"Abed!" Annie called indignantly at the air.

"Guys…"

_Sorry Annie, but I'm still bad at creating original characters. I never manage to get their emotions right, and I thought that using places and people that I know well would have helped me in creating a cool quest for our Season Finale Party._

Annie Awwwed before being able to stop herself, "Well, this doesn't give you the right to desecrate our fine institution!"

"Fine institution?" Jeff snarked, "Annie, maybe you've passed those 4 years in one of Abed's alternative timelines, but Greendale is everything but a "Fine Institution""

"Guys!" Shirley yelled, grasping the attention of the others and stopping Annie's retort.

"Good…" She stated, "… Now, if you some of you wasn't too much occupied in arguing about our school, you would have noticed the fact that Pierce is gone."

Silence filled the air as the now five friends realized their friend disappearance.

_I Noticed. He went toward the city as soon as I finished my speech._

"What?!" Jeff shouted, "Why didn't you tell us?"

_His disappearance will move things forward, forcing you to actively seek him in town, activating a chain of events that will, inevitably, bring you at the beginning of the plot._

The five of them stared at each other, dumbfounded, still trying to understand Abed's words.

_Of course, if you think that an Infodump would explain things better…_

"NO!" The five of them shouted collectively.

_Cool. Now Jeff, what will the group do?_

"Why are you asking me?" He asked.

_Because you are the leader._

As Britta opened her mouth to rant, the others groaned, "Fine, but you don't know what you've missed" she said bitterly.

"Okay…" Jeff said, "… We need to split up. A group headed by me will search for food and, most important, clothing, while another one of at least two people will search for Pierce." He finished, looking at his other friends, challengingly, "Now, who want to go to search for Pierce in the fantasy version of Greendale?"

"Not me!" Annie hastily yelled.

"Not me!" Britta quickly followed.

"Not… Aw, man!" Troy whined, realizing to be one of the two not going to buy anything.

"Good, let's head to the city now. We meet back at the gate from which we entered as soon as you find him and as soon as we finish buying supplies." He said, beginning to descend the hill, "If we need to contact each other Abed will deliver messages between…"

_I cannot._

"What?" Jeff asked incredulously.

_I'm not omnipresent. If the party split up, I must choose someone to remain attached to and follow his group._

"Wait a minute, we're a party?" Troy said, wide eyed, "Where's the music? And the pizza?!"

"Abed, sweetie, you come with us, right?" Shirley said, a doubtful look directed toward Troy, "I don't think that I can manage to handle Troy alone"

_Of course, Shirley._

_And so the now five heroes began their quest for the lost Pierce in the magical town of Greendelia. Little they know that, lurking in the shadows, Evil was weaving his long, dangerous webs, as a greater menace then the now loose Pierce was beginning to arise._

_…_

_Jeff, you didn't stop me during my voiceover, I'm impressed. That's true character growth._

Jeff and the others had stopped, shock in their faces.

"Well, Abed…" Jeff began with an edgy laugh, "… I was a bit worried about the Evil that is now lurking in the shadows; Can you tell us more about it?"

_I cannot give spoilers to future plot twists, sorry Jeff._


	5. Lawful Vs Convenience Vs Britta

**A N: I barely own this computer, let alone community.**

**A N 2: Community's Back, Bitches! What are you doing here, reading this crappy surrogate?! Go watch the real thing!**

Entered in the city, the two groups went for different ways, both provided with a city map and a tourist guide bought at the tourist center near the North Gate (… So named after Lord William North, leader of the Greendelian Army during the famous Pillow Massacre in the first fireball war. Buy now his new Unauthorized Autobiography for just eight golden pieces! Discount for adventurers and war veterans eager for petty revenge...). The group formed by Jeff, Annie and Britta were headed toward the commercial district, both to purchase the necessary stuff for their oncoming trip and find somewhere to pass the nearing night, while the group formed by Troy, Shirley and Abed began their research for Pierce, heading the opposite way. Both the groups were tasked to return at the North Gates before sunset.

* * *

Jeff, Annie, Britta

The three friends reached the beginning of the commercial district. Two rows of buildings, narrow alleys between each of them, all displaying the sign of a shop, were at the two sides of a long, straight road.

"So…" Annie began, toying with the straps of her Backpack of Holdings, "… Our budget consisted in 50 golden pieces each. We already bought two maps at 1 golden piece each and two tourist guides for four, leaving us with 49 golden pieces and Jeff with 48 and the promise to get back the additional one when we find Pierce…" Jeff grunted, "… If the three of us share their money together we should achieve a total budget of 146 golden pieces. On our tourist guide are listed the average prices for goods and clothing. Now, if we spend most of our money in supplies for a trip of indefinite length in an unspecified environment, leaving enough golden pieces for any additional clothing, and assuming that our friends doesn't spend too much money in their quest for Pierce, we should be able to…"

"Annie…" Jeff said, stopping her ramblings "… I don't think that we will need so much preparation just to go shopping."

"Well, Jeff, excuse me if I'm trying to prepare our group for a deathly quest in a foreign land. Maybe we should instead spend all our moneys on magical skin products and don't give a damn about our own survival."

"Annie, I was just suggesting to buy whatever we needed and then, if the money are finished, to use my awesome rouge skills to take the rest."

Annie gasped, "Jeff, You aren't suggesting to…" she then dropped her voice, hoping to not be heard by the bystanders, "Steal our supplies, right?"

"Yeah, what's the problem?"

She smacked him on the harm, "The problem is that stealing is wrong! What if we get caught by the shopkeeper? What if we get arrested by the guards? We cannot afford to go to jail!"

"Well, at least we'd already have a lawyer" He said, smirking.

"It's not the time to joke here, Jeff! We will buy our supplies and clothes and we will not steal anything."

"Annie, I've checked the prices on that tourist guide. We cannot afford everything you planned to buy with only 140 golden pieces; we will have to steal some stuff."

"It's 146, Jeff."

"Same thing."

"Well, we will be then forced to exclude some unnecessary purchases."

"Or maybe we will be then forced to steal the most expansive things and buy the less expansive one."

"Jeff, listen to me very carefully. We. Will not. Steal"

"Yes. We. Will."

Jeff and Annie glared at each other in silence, their faces inches apart, both fuming.

"Annie, I will now go into that shop, steal everything in there, and not get caught. Then not only I will not share anything with either you or the group, but I will keep stealing in every shop of this crappy parody of the crappy college that stole almost four years of my life, and you cannot do anything to stop me!"

"You know what? Fine, Plunder this town like the kleptomaniac cross-dresser that you are! But then, when the guards will find your little den of thievery and evilness, don't waste your time asking for my help!"

"But why should the guards find me?! I'm a Rogue! When I steal, I never leave trails! They will be clueless against my criminal genius!"

"Because I, as a lawful neutral character and a forensic major, will be then forced to lead them to you! And I will do it gladly!"

"You would never dare!"

"Try me!"

"You precocious little…"

"A-hem" Britta said, regaining her friends' attention.

"WHAT?!" They both yelled at her, briefly diverting their stare and rage on someone else.

"While you two were engaged in a yelling contest, I've gone to "Lambert's Adventuring in Shopping". The shopkeeper, has nervously given me for free everything that was on your list, Annie. I leave all that crap to you while I go to "Osbourne's Alchemist Shop" to buy the equipment necessary for my class. I also leave you your part of the money, use it to rent somewhere for us to stay while we're here. You're okay with that?"

"FINE!" "WHATEVER!" They yelled again, taking Britta's bags and returning to glare at one another.

Britta sighed, "See you back at the gate, guys, and try not to kill each other while I'm away" and with that, she leaved her friends to go shopping, unaware of the nervous looking shopkeeper exiting from his shop and running toward the nearest Policeperson's office.

* * *

Abed, Troy, Shirley

The three friends, after an unfruitful search for their friend in the various other quarters of the city, were now forced to look for him in the Pleasure Houses District. Entering from one of the various alleys, the circular square was surrounded by unclean looking buildings, music, shouts and laughter coming out from their doors, each of them displaying a wooden sign. In the center of the square, the bronze sculpture of man, a plate on his pedestal. A familiar looking bronze sculpture of a man.

"Under this statue lies the mortal spoils of Luis the Insanely Powerful, Adventurer, native of this city. May his spirit always protect us...?!" Troy began to read before bugging his eyes out and hurriedly moving away from the statue, "Abed, I've walked on Luis Guzman's grave! What if he rises from it and attack me?!" He fell on the ground, beginning to cry, "I don't want to die because of a vengeful zombie! I'm too young to die anyway! Save me Abed, you're my only hope!"

Shirley, slightly annoyed by Troy lack of faith in her, came near him, reassuringly putting an arm around his shoulders, "Don't worry Troy, Luis Guzman evil zombie will not hurt you…" She said with her best encouraging voice, "… Right, Abed?"

_…_

"… Abed?" she sternly repeated.

_Shirley's right, Troy. Worst things happened on that grave. If Luis Guzman had wanted to return as a vengeance seeking zombie, he would have done it before. You don't have to worry._

Troy began to calm himself, stopping to sob "… Thank you, Abed."

_You're welcome._

"Good…" Shirley stated, rising from the ground with Troy, "… now, let's find Pierce as soon as possible and move away from this horrible place"

"Yeah…" Troy said, only now looking around the square, "… That seems a very bad district"

As on cue, an axe flung from an already window of a nearby tavern, landing on the ground near their feet. They watched it for some time.

"Let's ask... To the people… Inside this… magic shop… if they've … seen Pierce around… AND THEN LEAVE!" Troy said, breathlessly, after a quick run to the other side of the square.

She hummed in agreement, entering with him in the shop, not bothering to check the wooden sign hanging near the entrance.

It read Wandopolis.

* * *

Britta

Britta entered the dimly lit shop. Shelves displaying jars filled with colorful liquids were hanging at the walls. On the ground were messily lying a great range of weird stuff. At the end of the room, in front of a closed door, a wooden desk was standing, on top of it a pot containing a small bonsai.

Britta groaned, sniffing the smell of sulfur in the air, as she carefully approached the desk, trying to not stomp on anything.

"Hello?" She said once she finally reached the desk, "There's anyone here?" she asked, turning around to get a better look at the room.

The door swung open, revealing the figure of a man. Long, black hair were coming from under his top hat, falling on his shoulders, a lizard on top of his right one. A long, sleeveless jacket and some black pants were covering his body. However, those weren't the first thing noticed by Britta about the man attire. The first thing noticed by her was the peculiar shape of his sideburns.

"Starburns?" Britta asked, shocked by the man sudden appearance in the living world, "… What are you doing here? You're dead!"

"… Last time I've checked, miss, I wasn't dead. And I don't recall about ever being turned into an undead…" He said, confused "… Also, my name is Alexander."

"Um, yeah…" said Britta, remembering only now Abed's speech about similarities between this world and the real one, "… Sorry, I must have mistook you for a friend of mine."

"It happens often. This is a very common face…" Saying that, he gently took the lizard from his shoulder and landed it on the small bonsai on the desk, smiling at her, "… So, what brings you my small establishment, Miss? You want to buy a love potion to slip in the drink of your clueless loved one? Or some belladonna to serve at dinner to your rival? Or maybe, if you feel yourself a little daring, I can sell you some happiness' powder, but I'm warning you, if the Policepersons catch you with that one, I will deny everything."

Britta tried to suppress both her repulsion for him and a freshly-formed rant about his degrading view of womanhood, "Well, actually I was searching for the necessary equipment for my class. I'm a fellow Alchemist, you now?"

Starburns' smile dropped, "You could have said that before. Here…" He kneeled under the desk, searching for something, and then slamming a wooden box on the desk "… that's the basic kit, provided with all the standard ingredients. It cost 150 golden pieces."

"Ehm…" Britta began, an embarrassed look on her face, "… I was kind of hopping for you to, maybe, give it gratis to me…"

Starburns began to laugh "… Oh, good one miss. Give it gratis to her, What would make you think something like that?" He asked, wiping away a small tear from his left eye.

"Well, after seeing me in his shop, the previous shopkeeper said that I could have taken everything I wanted from his shop without paying anything, so…" Britta's voice was becoming smaller and smaller.

"After seeing you?" Starburns asked with a curious look, "Well, it appear that the miss here doesn't need a love potion after all…" He clapped his hands, the light in the room growing, "… Let's get a better look at that…" Starburns' words died in his throat.

"Leave." He said, eyes wide in terror. "But, what the class equipment?" she asked, confused by his sudden change of demeanor. "Take it. Is yours. But please, leave!" He almost yelled, baking away from her, his back hitting the wall behind him and knocking down some jars. "Okay" She said, still confused, quickly exiting the shop.

She closed the door behind her, "That was weird." She stated, still looking at the wooden door.

She then turned, and found herself facing a pair of spears.


	6. Of Rants and Shipping

**A N: First things first, I don't own community.**

**A N 2: Second, Harmon stated in an interview that he will resolve the J\A question this season. If the answer to the question is yes, I will happily drown in alcohol for seven straight days, probably singing like an Idiot half the time while crying of joy the other half. However, If the answer is no, I will metaphorically drown myself, sinking with the ship, and haunt the deep bottom of the Fanfiction's Sea till the day that we will rise again and strike fear in the hearts of the Jeff\Britta shippers. Like the Titanic did in Ghostbusters 2. Or like an instance of SCP-1174-1.**

**A N 3: And third, I've decided to put only hints of Troy\Britta. I've just now understood that, after that mess that was the "Gas-Leaked" Season four, their ship is long sunk by now.**

Britta

The two guards threw Britta inside the cell, her face crushing on the ground. One of them then rapidly closed the cell's door, turning the key two times.

Britta rose from the floor, heading to the metal door and furiously banging against it, "Get me out of here…" she shouted, "… Have you heard me? You cannot kidnap me in the middle of the day and then hold me in a cell without reasons! I've got rights, you know?!" She heard a loud groan coming from behind her.

She turned. The cell was bare, the only furniture being a wooden bench lying under the barred window, and the man covered by a brown rug resting on it. Britta's initial attack of panic caused by the man unexpected presence was quickly overridden by her usual rightful fury, "Oh, sorry if my rant against our fascists captors were disturbing your sleep, because I'm planning to shout at them until they will finally explain to me the reasons of my imprisonment! I will not stop raging against the machine! Even in this stupid, 1984-like, fantasy world!" Finished her rant, Britta turned to the door again, returning to bang against it.

"Quit it, Brittles, I'm trying to take a nap here"

Britta froze mid-banging, turning slowly toward the lying man, now sitting on the wooden bench, rug on the ground.

"Pierce?" Britta began hesitantly, irritation overtaking her shortly after, "Half the group is searching for you! Why are you in jail?!"

"Well, Brittles…" Pierce began with a wicked smile, "… Let's just say that this city is not tough enough to handle someone like me."

"And I don't want to know anything beside this…" Britta said carefully, trying not to trigger a monologue from Pierce. It was too late.

"It all started when I left you suckers in search of a toilet…"

* * *

Troy, Abed, Shirley

Troy and Shirley slowly exited the shop, stopping shortly after in the middle of the square, wide eyed. Some passerby looked at them with funny looks before returning to their tasks. They both remained silent for some moments, until the memories that they were trying to suppress infiltrated their minds.

"OH YOUR GOD, THAT WASN'T A SWING!"

"Things that cannot be unseen…"

"THAT DEFINETLY WASN'T A SWING!"

"… The lord will never allow me in his house again after what I've seen…"

"AND THAT DALMATIAN! WHY THEY HAD TO RUIN DALMATIANS TOO!"

"… I will have to pass the rest of my life in chastity and prayer for him to even consider me worthy of saving again…"

"MY EMOTIONS! MY EMOTIONS! WHY?!"

The two tried, after some more minutes sobbing and yelling, to recompose themselves.

_As long as Heroic BSODs and mental breakdowns go, I would have given to that one a C+, maybe B-._

And then other memories crept between the cracks in the dam that separated them from their mind, and they restarted screaming.

_Cool, you're doing another one. Let's put more effort in it this time._

* * *

Britta, Pierce

"…And that's what happened."

"Have you tried to find a way out from here?" Britta asked, trying to divert the conversation away from Pierce whacky yet horrifying shenanigans.

"Why I should, Britta?" Pierce asked, a glint in his eyes, "I'm in a fortified prison in the dungeons of a castle; I receive a meal a day, two if I manage to bribe the guards, and I have free shelter for the night. I've read the manuals, out there there's a world filled with Trolls, Dragons and Dire Bears eager to kill me because of some misfired magic missiles, so trust me when I say that THIS," He gestured at the cell "this is actually the safest place to be right now."

"Wow Pierce…" Britta began with small admiration, "… That's clever… For you."

"Of course, I will not stop you when you will try to distract the guards using your womanly attributes, and don't worry, it should work even with your… particular tastes," And the admiration was gone, quickly as it went, "… or when you will be bailed out by our friends when they will have finally found me."

"You're right!" Britta yelled, triumphantly, surprising Pierce, "Not about the Britta-Seduces-The-Guards part." She quickly corrected herself, "But about The-Others-Are-Searching-For-You part. That means that they will be here soon, bailing both of us out of jail!" She almost yelled, excitedly, "They will probably be the next person to open that door!"

As she finished, the door opened. A red-shirted guard entered the cell, his spear aimed at her.

"Prisoner 19-84, the Commander has ordered me to escort you to your interrogation. Please, follow me, or I will be forced to use incapacitating measures."

Her hopes crushed, Britta retorted bitterly "Not until you tell me why am I under arrest, you Jag!"

"Prisoner 19-84, you cannot make demands in your current situation. Now, please, follow me, or I will be forced to use incapacitating measures."

"And what's with this "Prisoner 19-84" bullcrap!? Does your prison system also destroy the individuality of the citizens? You're just a bunch of totalitaristic pricks!"

"Stop insulting me with nonsense, Prisoner 19-84. Now, please, follow me, or I will be forced to use incapacitating measures."

"Do what he's saying, Brittles…" Pierce began in annoyance "… I don't want to pass all the day in here, listening to your rants."

Before Britta could retort, the guard lightly poked her with his spear, "Alright, alright, I'm following you" She exited the cell, following the guard, another one shortly behind her, his spear aimed at her back.

After a short walk, the two guards made her enter into another room. Windowless, the only light source being the torches hanged at the walls. A wooden table, a pair of chairs facing another one, was the only furniture in the room.

One of the two red-shirted guards pointed with a spear to the lone chair, "Sit there, Prisoner 19-84. The commander will be here in minutes."

As Britta reluctantly complied, the two guards closed the door behind them, putting themselves at each sides of it.

"Now will you tell me why…?" Britta began to ask.

"You're not allowed to interact with us, Prisoner 19-84. Every further interaction will be summarily punished. You've been warned." The both interrupted her, matching each other speech perfectly.

Britta scoffed and further slumped into the chair.

After a while, the door opened again. A short, fully armored figure appeared, a long sword on his side. His purple cape swing in the air as he entered the room.

"You took your time, Commander Jackass!" Britta began, all the strength of her anarchist days, her general disrespect for the authorities and her actual pissed off state in her voice "I demand my immediate release! You cannot keep me here! I've committed no crimes! As an American citizen in a foreign magical country, I have the rights to see that pig of my ambassador! Read the third amendment, you misogynistic Hitler, it allows me that! And…"

As Britta continued her rant, being no one there to stop her with a groan, the figure stand still, his expression covered under the helmet. He carefully seated on one of the two chairs, removing the purple cape and folding it, gently putting it on the seat other chair, carefully smoothing away the wrinkles. He then removed his helmet revealing her long, brown hairs, and her big, blue eyes.

"Have you finished?" The woman asked jovially, as Britta's voice died in her throat and confusion spread in her eyes, "Good..." She stated cheerfully after Britta following silence.

The woman face went formidable as she grabbed Britta hair and dragged her face toward hers, inches apart from each others, "… Because, after all the monstrosities you've committed, I'm tired of hear your nonsensical rants, you ravenous bitch dog!"

Britta squeaked in fear, asking the only thing her frightened brain could thing at the time, "Annie?"

And Britta face went smashing against the desk.

* * *

Jeff, Annie

Annie sneezed.

"Bless you" Jeff said, both trying to move away from the possible source of germs and lean closer to check if she was right.

Annie snorted, casting her glaze aside.

"What?"

"I'm still mad at you."

Jeff restrained himself from rolling his eyes. After their argument, the two had searched for an Inn to pass the night. The only place cheap enough to encounter Annie's schedule and stylish enough to encounter Jeff's standards, a tavern on L. Street, had only 3 rooms left, all with matrimonial beds only. The two friends were now sitting at a table outside of another tavern near the North Gates, facing each others, waiting both the return of their friends to discuss the matter of bed sharing and both for a waitress to take their ordination.

"Annie…" Jeff began, placing his hand on hers. She moved it away.

"No, Jeff, you will not charm your way out of this…" Annie said, her glance still on the table, "… we might have acquired gratis both our supplies and the pants that you're wearing, but the fact remains that, between an easy or a just option, you would have choose the easy way out…" She looked at him, sorrow in her eyes, "… like you would have 4 years ago."

"Annie, we were in an emergency. We ARE in an emergency. That's not the time to talk about that."

"And so when, Jeff?" Annie snapped, "Once we leave here, you will leave us to go to your old lawyer life. What if an "emergency" strikes then, eh? Will you then lose your new found morals like you would have done today?"

Jeff face fell, realizing now the implication of his previous choice, "Annie, I…"

The waitress, a busty redhead in a long skirt and a corset, chose that moment to take their ordination.

As Jeff gave his ordination to the waitress, Annie couldn't help to not notice the woman's flirtatious manners. However, aside for glancing at her during his ordination, Jeff's eyes were constantly on hers, looking almost… remorseful.

"You're right, Annie…" Jeff began once the waitress was gone, "… I'm no better man than the one I was 4 years ago. Despite my best efforts, I'm still that lazy bastard who cheated his way to became a lawyer. I'm a monster, Annie, and I will fall again in the same errors in which I felled in the past. I've failed the group. But what's most important, is that I've failed YOU." He casted his eyes on the table, shameful for his actions.

Annie face softened, "Hey." She said, her hand putted gently on his cheek, "You've not failed me. Now that you've found out about your weakness, I'm sure that you will not fail for it again."

Jeff snorted, a smile slowly forming on his face, "That's my Annie, ever the optimist." He endearingly looked at her.

"That's my Jeff…" Annie trailed off, her face slowly leaning toward Jeff's as Jeff's began to lean toward hers.

_Where's Britta?_

Jeff and Annie yanked apart from each other, startled.

Troy and Shirley were now sitting on their same table, both on Annie's right, still wide eyed.

"For how long have you been here?" Annie began nervously.

_Enough time. Where's Britta?_

Jeff snorted, "She went to buy some supplies on her own."

_Alone?_

"What happened to them?" Annie asked, a concerned look casted toward her friends.

_They're suffering from an heroic BSOD. It will fade away, sooner or later. Now, where's Britta?_

"Geez, Abed, Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine."

A young boy resembling Garret run in the streets, sweating, a long parchment in his hands.

After several short breaths, the boy began to shout: "Gather close, citizens of Greendale, because I comes with wonderful news. Britta of the Perrault clan, also known as "The scourge", has been today captured by our valiant…" The boy stopped to take other short breaths, "… policepersons! Tomorrow there will be the process for her hideous crimes and her hanging!" The boy finished, and run toward another streets

The four friends were now slack jawed.

_You were saying?_


	7. Harsher in Hindsight

**A N: In the Darkest Timeline, I would have owned Community. Here, I don't.**

**A N 2: Episode 5x03 went on a good J/A note, Harmon. I'm pleased. Keep doing it, and I might reconsider my decision to unleash my army of Flying Monkeys over your house. A word to the wise, mate.**

Jeff, Annie, Shirley, Troy, Abed

"We leave her alone for 10 minutes…" Jeff muttered, glaring at the entrance of the prison.

He was sitting on a bench in a small park close to the castle, his three friends cramped with him, a small set of statues placed around them. Crows were hopping around the yellow-looking grass, never coming too much close to them.

"What do we do now?" Shirley asked with concern.

"I don't know what will you all do, but I now go there, smash everything with my awesome club of Troll-Repelling, and save Britta!" Troy said, ready to rise from his sit and bring destruction to everyone trying to stop him.

"Aw, pumpkin…" Shirley cooed, hugging him with an arm both for comfort and restrain, "… I know you're upset, but don't worry, we will soon get Britta out of jail."

"Yeah, but how?" Annie asked, her head buried in her tourist guide, "Here it says that the Royal Prison host a contingency of no less than 50 guards, all ready to defend the prison at the cost of their life. We will never manage to get her out using only brute force. We will need to ambush some of the guards, take their armor and gear and infiltrate the prison. At the right moment, we will do what we do better, and initiate a prison-wide riot, escaping with Britta in the ensuing confusion."

"Wow, Annie, look who's the one choosing the renegade path now?" Jeff asked her mockingly.

"Well, Jeff, maybe YOU have a better idea to save Britta. Why don't you expose it to us?" Annie snapped at him.

"Alright, here's the plan…" He began to say, his three friends' head gathering close to his.

"The brat who's running around the streets screaming about Britta's incarceration had said something about a process. Now, using my awesome lawyer skills…"

His four friends groaned, stopping his explanation.

Jeff frowned, "Now I know how it feels like being Britta, another wonderful Greendale experience that I would have rather avoided. Thank you guys."

"Sorry Jeff…" Annie began, her voice not sorry at all, "… But you've heard that kid. They've already decided to hang her. The process will probably be a farce, some sort of warm up show before the main event. Your plan, whatever that was, would have never worked."

"Always better than causing a mass-riot of murders and rapists. That's definitively so much out of character for you, Annie."

"Come' on, _Abed_, you've seen the corrupt law system they have here, they've been probably all wrongly accused. And we're doing it for a good cause."

"That's right, _Britta_, because basing the freedom of our friend on the blood of innocent prison guards and justifying it with the classical "For the Greater Good" argument it's something that you, as a lawful neutral character, are forced to do, right?"

"First, that's a lawful good character, if you want to counter me with the D&D's rules, inform yourself on them first, and second, you wanted to pillage this whole city just some minutes ago, so you're not in the position to talk about morals here!"

"Yeah, Annie, because if I try to get some free stuff, I'm suddenly the monster here, but if you incite mass-murderers to revolt against their wardens, that's just a quaint little trait of yours."

"That's necessary to save our friend! You were just your same lazy self before!"

"I will not sacrifice my morals because of that!"

"Why do you even care, anyway?!"

"Because I want to prove you that I've learned my lesson, damn' it!"

"Oh." Annie said, her face softening.

"Yeah. Oh." Jeff said, a small smile forming on his lips.

She smiled back at him.

And then they both stiffened, remembering only now about their audience.

"What was that all about?!" Troy asked, his eyes bugging out in bewilderment.

Both of them simultaneously tried to propel away from one another. However, because during their argument their legs had mysteriously entwined with each other, and because of the already close space in which they were sitting, that move caused both of them to fall on the ground, now Jeff covering Annie's body with his, his hand placed on her shoulder.

"Ehm."

"Ehm."

Jeff hastily sat upright, helping Annie in the process, still under the amused stare of their two friends. They both had the decency to cast their gaze to the ground and blush.

Shirley looked at them for some moments before smiling and turning toward Troy. "Aw, pumpkin, don't worry, Jeff and Annie just had a fight. Couples do it sometimes. Now, let's go trying to figure out if we can bail at least Pierce out of that stinking prison. You two, meanwhile, try to resolve your problems with each other…" Her voice passed then from her usual sugary tone to her stern one, her face hardening, "… In the limits of Christian decency, possibly."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say" Jeff said, both his and Annie's face now blank.

Shirley grabbed Troy's arm and literally dragged him toward the prison, not looking back at her friends.

Annie and Jeff sat again on the bench, as far away as possible from each other, looking at the ground. In the background, they could still hear the crows' croaking.

And then their brains started functioning again, their friend speech echoing in their mind.

"We're just friends!"

"Pierce is in prison?"

* * *

Pierce

"I'm bored!" Pierce shouted from his bench in the cell.

A guard opened a small window in the door, "You're not allowed to interact with us, Prisoner 19-82. Every further…"

"Yeah, yeah, "Every further interaction will be summarily punished", it's the fifth time you've said it already, and it's becoming repetitive."

The guard closed the window without a word.

Pierce peeked up from where he was laying.

He sat upright, searching under his robe, suppressing a yelp when he found what he needed.

A big, leather covered book, only survivor of the guards' inspection, was now sitting on his lap. On the cover the title: "Spell Casting for Dummies"

Pierce chuckled. Those people from that magic shop had been kind enough to gift him with that book after the tenth funny-shaped wand he had bought from them. After all that business with the Dire Bears at the zoo, Pierce has been quick enough to hide it, promising himself to get a better look inside it once in a secure location. But Britta had been taken away ages ago, and he was bored to wait for her return.

He opened the book and started reading. A wicked smile forming on his lips soon after.

* * *

Britta

"Britta of the Perrault clan, you have committed unspeakable crimes against our beloved country. You will be so hanged tomorrow till death will overtake. But you can still save your ill-rotten life! Tell me where the location of the other rebels is, and I might convince the judge to be more merciful." She said, smiling reassuringly at Britta

Britta glared at the Annie-look-alike, her face sour, "I don't know what you're talking about, Fake-Annie."

The Fake-Annie's face hardened, "So be it." She grabbed Britta hairs with her gauntlet, again, "I tried… You know, I really tried to be a nice girl and treat you with gentleness…"

"What the hell are you talking about? The first thing you did when we met was smacking my face against the desk!" Britta yelped, trying to free herself.

"… And yet, every time I hear your filthy mouth talking, I cannot restrain myself from hitting your stupid face! Really, it's all your fault here."

"You cannot treat me like this…" Britta whimpered, her eyes wide in terror, "… I- I have rights! I want a lawyer!"

Fake-Annie's eyes widened, her stare burning holes through her. She raised a fist as Britta closed her eyes, ready to receive the hit.

She heard the door violently opening, and a voice shouting: "Honey, I'm home."

The pressure on her hair quickly vanished. Britta tentatively opened her eyes.

Fake-Annie was again sitting in front of her, her gaze now addressed toward the figure standing at the door, between the two motionless guards, now saluting.

The tall, familiar figure standing at the door.

This time, Britta restrained herself from asking "Jeff?" in a confused tone, having by now already figured out that every citizen of the city was just a parody of her friends, and vowing that, next time she will see Abed and he will have a physical body again, she will slap him.

Jeff's Double was wearing a brown, sleeveless coat, a white shirt and blue trousers. Two small crossbows were inside the holsters at the sides of his belt. He was staring at Fake-Annie with a face Britta couldn't read.

"Lord Attorney."

"Great Commander."

He closed the door behind him using his foot, his eyes never leaving her face.

"It seems here that you have begun the interrogation without me. Again." He said coldly, advancing toward the spare chair.

"Well, maybe if his grace the Lord Attorney didn't spend all his time sculpting his abs and playing with his crossbows, he wouldn't have been late for the start of the interrogation. Again." She glared at him while he seated near her.

He smirked at her. With her peripheral vision, Britta seemed to notice Fake-Jeff's hand scratching something on his side of the table. Fake-Annie smacked him on the arm.

"And stop doing that! This table is property of the city! You cannot ruin it with your silly games!"

"But you can ruin it with the faces of the prisoners, Isn't it right, _Commander?!_" He bellowed at her, only now turning to face Britta, gesturing towards her, "Look what happened to her face!"

Britta frowned, realizing now that, since the face-slamming, she had never seen herself on a mirror.

She wondered how bad she looked.

"She had opposed resistance during her transportation here. The guards had to incapacitate her."

Britta gasped, ready to retort. A kick from under the table of Fake-Annie stopped her.

"It's that… Oh gods, you two, stop saluting now!" The two guards dropped their hands from their foreheads. "It's that true?" He then asked at the two guards.

Britta finally detected the firsts expressions in the guards' faces since she met them.

They began looking confused, briefly passing to terror when Fake-Annie turned to them, and then displaying something like physical pain.

After a wait that felt like ages, they both shouted "Sir, yes Sir", their pained expression still on their faces.

Fake-Jeff sighed. "Fine, you can go."

And the guards' expression turned to confusion again, "Sir, the king orders are…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know the king orders. I basically write the king orders. Now, while we adults talk about grown-ups matters, you two go patrolling the corridors like the good children that you are. Go on."

The two guards frowned. They then exited the room, closing the door behind them.

Jeff turned again, facing Britta.

"What's wrong with those guys?" Britta was unable to stop asking.

"With who?" Fake-Jeff frowned, "Oh, you mean the Policepersons. They're trained to use only a set number of phrases when interacting with people and to never lie to a superior."

"Why?" She asked, ignoring Fake-Annie's hateful stares.

"So that they will never say something offensive to a civilian, or things like that. The king like those sorts of things." Fake-Jeff shrugged, "The ones here are lucky. The Policepersons set to guard the gates can only repeat the phrase: "Welcome to Greendelia" over and over again."

Britta frowned. She remembered of a videogame one of her brothers was playing when she was little, and she remembered him talking about something very similar to this. She couldn't remember the videogame's title.

"All you alright, miss…?" Fake-Jeff trailed off, a charming smile flashed toward her, his eyes seemingly concerned.

"Like you don't know her…" Fake-Annie muttered. If Fake-Jeff had noticed it, he didn't show it.

"Britta." Britta said, looking at the two blankly, still mesmerized by the whole situation.

"… Britta. Now, I'm sorry for the manners of _whoever _inflicted you those wounds…" He took a side-along glare at Fake-Annie, who grunted, pouting, "… But now we must do a nice little chat about the causes of your stay here. Do you feel ready to do it?"

Britta knew what Fake-Jeff and Fake-Annie were doing. They were doing the classical Good Cop, Bad Cop on her, hoping for her to confess whatever crime they thought she had committed.

However, Fake-Annie's glares seemed filled with true hate, and not just an act to make her talk. Britta's usual luck.

She sighed, thinking: "_This will be a long interrogation._"

* * *

Pierce

The guard heard noises inside the cell behind him. He briefly opened the small window on the metal door.

Inside, the prisoner, sitting on the bench, had an hand on his heart, his face visibly in pain.

The guard hastily closed the window and turned the key on the door, opening it.

And the second to last thing he saw was an old man standing, his hand outstretched towards him, shouting: "I cast MAGIC MISSLE!"

Of course, the last thing he saw was the bright, green energy rocket erupting by the old man's hand.

And then all went black.


	8. The Gods Smile Upon Their Love

**A N: I'm planning the hostile takeover of NBC. However, until I finally initiate it, I still don't own Community.**

**A N 2: And it begin today our new game, Ladies and Gentlemen! GUESS THE QUOTE! I challenge you all at guessing the name of at least one of the three Troll gods displayed in the Jeff, Annie section. The winner gets the winning! And metaphorical cookies for who guess all of them!**

**A N 3: …If you manage to survive the Angst, obviously.**

Troy, Shirley

"Hel-lo" Shirley cooed as she entered the guard post of the prison, Troy somberly following behind her.

Inside there was a bare, small room. Sitting on a chair behind a bench, behind him a large, metal door, was a black man, his shirt yellow. He was lazily playing with some wooden blocks.

"Professor Kane?" Troy asked in a confused tone, recognizing the man in front of him.

"It's Sergeant Kane, citizen…" The man said dully, looking up from his blocks, "… What can I do for you?" He almost yawned, as the whole situation utterly bored him.

"We-ell…" Shirley began to say, her voice sugary, "… We wondered if you could help us to retrieve our friends. They've been arrested a short time ago, and we are here to bail them out."

"The King's Orders states that you must wait at least 24 hours after the arrest before it's possible for the prisoners to leave the prison. It's so done to "Teach Them a Lesson". Don't ask me about what that even means, because I seriously don't know. Return tomorrow."

"Oh…" She said, passing from Sweet Tone to Guilt Trip in seconds, "… Sorry if I asked. I just wanted for my old friend to pass his birthday with his family instead of in a cold prison. You're sure that you cannot… bend the rules a little?"

"Lady…" Sergeant Kane asked in a dangerous tone, "… Are you asking me to break the law, and my personal code of honor, just for an old foul to pass his birthday with his family?"

As Shirley began to pass in her third natural state, Rightful Fury, Troy grabbed part of her armor, dragging her outside, "Of course not, we're sorry to have asked, we will return tomorrow." And with that, he exited the building.

"Why have you given up so easily?!" Shirley yelled at him once outside.

"Because there is no need to argue about this." Troy responded calmly, now letting her go.

"They still have Pierce!" She yelled again, her Rightful Fury Mode finally activated.

"And tomorrow we will get him out of prison." He responded, still calm, "Now, however, we have to think of a plan to save Britta. Pierce can wait."

Shirley began to calm herself, "You're right, Pierce can wait. Sorry Troy."

"Don't worry, Shirley, I'm preoccupied for Pierce too." He responded, hugging her.

She hugged him back. He yelped.

"It hurts! It hurts!"

"Oh…" She let him go, "… Sorry."

"I'm fine…" He said with maybe too much cheerfulness, "… You should stop hugging people while you're still wearing that armor, through. Now, let's go back."

"Yeah, about that…" She said, her gaze casted toward the small park, "… I say to go to a nice tavern for a while and leave the two lovebirds alone a bit longer."

"Oh…" He said, confused, "… Okay."

The two turned, giving one last look at the prison.

"I hope that old foul doesn't do anything stupid." Shirley said, departing toward a nearby tavern.

Troy nodded in agreement.

* * *

Pierce

"COME BACK HERE AND EAT MY FIREBALLS, SUCKERS!"

Three Policepersons, all severely burned, were running away from the source of the voice.

"AND THAT WASN'T A GAY STATEMENT AT ALL!"

They turned an angle, crashing with the two Guards that were patrolling the corridors, as instructed by the Lord Attorney.

"Policepersons Alpha, Delta e Rho, what…" One of the two guards began one of his scripted phrases before being cut off by one of the others, his face a mask of pure terror.

"It's mad! We need to run! We need to warn the Commander!"

Before the other guards could say anything, Pierce turned the corner.

"Oh, there you are…" He chuckled evilly, "… And I see that we have found more friends to play!" He opened a book in his hands, "Lucky me."

"Help!" One of the guards shrieked, his terrorized eyes never leaving Pierce.

Other two guards, having heard their co-worker yell, turned the corner, running by their side.

The seven of them set themselves in formation, the fallen guards rising from the ground, drawing their swords.

"Now, there's no need to make rash decisions here…" He said, taking a step back, "Why, as my old friend Garret would say, we all just don't chillax a little?" He raised one hand, "Maybe it could help a cooler ambience. ICE STORM!"

And the seven guards fell to the ground, their bodies now covered in ice, trembling.

Pierce's laugh echoed through the empty corridors.

* * *

Britta

"For the last time, I don't know the location of the rebels!" Britta yelled, slamming a fist on the table. Fake-Annie winced slightly at her action.

"Now, Britta, we both know that that's not true." Jeff said dully, polishing one of his discharged crossbows.

"NO!" she yelled, "I don't know where the damned rebels are, I don't know why am I here because none of you idiots cared to explain it to me, and I don't know why that psychopath …" He gestured toward Fake-Annie, "… (and trust me, I'm a psychic major, I recognize them one I see them) is angry at me!" She grunted, sinking further in her chair, "Inexistent God! It's just like that book of Kafka, "_Tetris All_" or whatever."

She scoffed, casting her gaze on the table.

"Apologize to her." Fake-Jeff suddenly demanded, his tone cold.

"What?" Britta asked, startled by the sudden question. She raised her gaze, gaping at her captor sudden change in demeanor.

Fake-Jeff had frozen while polishing his small crossbow and was now glaring at her, Fake-Annie's concerned gaze on him.

"I said: Apologize. To. The Commander."

"Lord Attorney…" Fake-Annie trailed off, an hand gently putted on his arm.

"_I _should apologize to _her_?!" Britta yelled, indignation in her voice "Since the beginning of this interrogation, which since now is only showing the violence inherent in your totalitaristic system, that nutcase had smashed my head at least twice on that stupid table, kicked me every time I tried to defend myself and almost punched me in the face! _She_ should be the one apologizing here!"

Fake-Jeff-That-Is-Apparently-Named-Jeff was unfazed by this, "And I express regret for her overzealousness. However, you have insulted her, and I command you to apologize."

Britta was shocked, "_Overzealousness?!_ She was about to punch me with that thing!" She indicated Fake-Annie's gauntlet "She could have broken my jaw. I could have died!"

"You are about to be hanged in a day, dying now or dying then shouldn't make a difference to you. Now, apologize to her." He said, his tone still cold.

"Ha-hanged?" Britta asked, her voice broken, "But, that's impossible… I'm innocent until proven guilty! You cannot execute me before a trial!"

"There will be a trial…" With a swift movement, he pointed his now charged crossbow at Britta, "… But you have been already proved guilty. Now, you can apologize to the commander and live another day, or…" He firmly put his finger on the trigger.

"_Great…_" She thought, "_… they're both crazy. And not in the usual whacky way._"

Fake-Annie squished firmly Fake-Jeff's arm, "May I have a word with you, Lord Attorney?!"

Crazy-Fake-Jeff kept aiming his crossbow at Britta.

"_Jeff…_" She trailed off, her voice grave.

He grunted, putting his crossbow in its empty holster. Britta released a breath she didn't realize to hold.

"Fine…" He began, his gaze now on Fake-Annie.

"Maybe somewhere more private." She grabbed his arm, rising from her seat, and basically dragged him out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Britta heard the sound of a key being turned.

She let her head fall on the desk.

"Ouch…" She yelled, quickly rising her head from the desk "… That hurt more than I expected."

She sighed.

"It couldn't get any worse" She said to herself.

And then the wall behind her exploded.

She turned after being hit by a cloud of dust.

"What the… Pierce?!" She yelled, surprised to see the old man standing inside the hole in the wall.

He looked disappointed.

"Crap, that's not the storage… oh, hello Brittles."

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"I'm evading, Duh-Doy!"

Britta rose from her sit, making her chair fall.

"Great, finally good news, now let's get the hell out of here. And fast!"

"Whatever Brittles, but first I need to recover my Funny-Shaped Wands from the storage room. They will be perfect for Annie to cast her spells." He said, sweeping some dust away from his robe, his eyes bright.

Britta remembered just now about her alchemist set confiscated by the Policepersons during her arrest, "Yeah, let's go there first. But try not to slow me down, Pierce."

Pierce smirked wickedly, "Slow you down, Brittles? Don't worry; I'll try not to. Now grab me."

Britta made a disgusted face. She heard footstep from down the corridor.

"Don't complain and grab me, we don't have much time!"

She grabbed his arm.

"Let's hope this time we end up in the right room." He muttered, opening his book, searching through the pages. "Ah, Here it is. BLINK!"

Britta frowned.

And then both she and Pierce were no more.

* * *

Jeff, Annie

Waiting for the return of their friends, Jeff and Annie were admiring the statues in the park.

"_Park of the Mad-Gods: Because we don't want another rain of flaming dogs here…_?" Jeff read perplexedly from a sign near the statue of a bearded man, dressed elegantly, who was resting on a cane held in his left hand, "… That's… weird. And yet totally expected."

Annie sighed, her gaze fixed on the statue of a winged cat with a large grin, her back at him.

Jeff stared at her.

"What's wrong?"

She flinched, "Nothing."

"It doesn't seem so…"

"No, Jeff, it's nothing, really…" She walked away, her voice shaky, towards the statue of a singing, slim dragon, one arm a lion paw, the other an eagle one, "… You should stop worry about me."

"I will never stop worrying about you."

Annie kept giving her back at him, "I know, Jeff, you're one of the Greendale's parents, you worry about everybody…" She turned to look at him, her face sad, a tear coming from one of her eyes. She quickly swept it away. "… That's what friends do."

"Annie…"

"No Jeff, I get it…" She said, her voice higher than normal, "… I really get it. We're just friends. I should have understood it before. I mean, we don't use to hang out as much as before, and when you have some important matters to discuss, you prefer to do it with Britta…"

"Annie…"

She turned away, unable to look at him, "… There's no need to explain it, really. You were right back during our sophomore year. I've just read too much into this…" She bit back more tears, "… There are never been an Annie-of-it-all, and I was just a stupid little girl with an unrequited crush on an older man. Never mind the fact that Shirley, of all people, believe us to be a loving couple, or the massive amount of chemistry that float between us, or the fact that, every time we have our little moments, I die a little inside. Because it's everything in my head. Because I'm sad, little Annie Adderall, the psycho who nobody wants…"

"Annie…" He put his hand on her shoulders, turning her to face him, his face pained, "… I want you."

If they weren't too much engrossed in the eyes of the other, they would have noticed the heads of all the statues turning towards them, a look of expectation on their faces.

And before Abed could interrupt them, before he could say something stupid, before she could retort, before ANYTHING could happen, both their mouths crushed with the one of the other, beginning to furiously making-out.

Crows were flying around them as the gods' statues smiled, pleased, at the sight. The sunset light shone around them, the notes of "_Greendale is where I belong_" beginning to play in the background.

_Cool._

And then they both heard the explosion.

They stopped kissing, turning toward the prison, blue smoke coming out of a hole on the roof.

_I was wrong. THIS is cool._


	9. Mind the Lengthy Note

**A N: I own Community. Not.**

**A N 2: About 5X04. I have mixed feelings about it. Annie has at least got a relationship between her graduation and Abed CREEPY Catfishing. Repeat with me, you Annie/Abed shippers, CREEPY. Good. Jeff was grossed out by Annie Disneyland's Fantasy and Annie was grossed out by his trophies. They had been grossed out by each other before (like in Anthropology 101, damn that episode!), and this has not yet sunk them. She has also dosed the coffee of the rest of the study group way back in season two, probably between the depression caused by Jeff rejection in "Paradigms of Human Memory" (Damn it more!) and her becoming the most badass paintball assassin ever. And this is yet another mistreatment of her past drug abuse. Not cool, man, not cool. Now, nothing else much happened. Jeff calm at the news of his car being hit by Annie could be just a ploy of him to make the others be more open, and his keeping Britta's panties it's something he does with everyone. This means "Suck it, you J/B bastards! She counts as much as Slater. Or "Busty Redhead from That One Bar"". Now, doing it with Annie, on the other hand… No, it would be the same thing. Damn it! And to end this lengthy note, I just have a warning, Harmon. We have received some hits during this episode, but our ship is still strong. However, Don't. Try it. Again. Because if you do this again, I've heard of an island where you can hunt humans for sport, and my hounds last ate four days ago. Just saying.**

**A N 3: PS: the Uncle Comment was… Misleading, at best. It means her giving up on him? It means her being tired to explain their relationship? It means her mocking him when she's with other women? WHAT THE HELL IT MEANT?!**

Britta, Pierce (Before the Incident)

And Britta and Pierce came back to existence.

Britta gasped loudly, her knees sinking on the ground, trying to regain as much air as possible.

"Sorry Brittles, didn't I tell you to hold your breath?"

Britta shakily shook her head, glaring at him.

"Ah, sorry, sometimes I forgot things…" He chuckled, "… Now, where are we…?"

They were in another cell, wider and better furnished then the one in which they were once contained. Sitting on a metallic wheelchair near a desk was a startled man in an orange robe, the numbers 01-09 written broadly on it in black paint, in front of him some papers. He was staring at them.

"Shit, wrong room again…" Pierce cursed under his breath, "… Well Britta, it seems we need to try another random jump…"

"Wait a minute…" She interrupted him, rising from the ground, "… We're not in the storage room?!"

"Well, Duh-Doy! I've never been in the storage room, and I need someone with memories of the place to correctly BLINK us there. Until then, I just jump around casually, hoping to get in the right room. My plan is flawless."

"It's moronic!" Britta yelled at him.

"Flawless!" Pierce rebutted.

"Ahem…" The man in the wheelchair caught their attention, "… Maybe we can reach an agreement here…"

Britta looked at him for the first time. He seemed… oddly familiar. Like everything else in that deranged world, through.

"We're listening…" Britta began, ignoring Pierce grunts.

"I casually happen to know about the location of the Storage Room. If you, as your wise friend said…" That earned a smile from Pierce, "… Happens to BLINK with me onboard, you can easily reach it."

"And why would you help us?" Britta asked, suspicion in her voice.

"Because I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of "Man is Good"…" He said moving his wheelchair toward them, "… And also because, once I bring you there, you will let me escape with you."

"Fair enough…" Pierce bellowed before Britta could say anything, "… Now, Britta, grab the paraplegic here…"

"Pierce!" Britta scoffed, grabbing the man's arm, "… He as a name, you know? Which is…?" She trailed off.

"Jeremy."

"… Jeremy!" She concluded triumphantly, grabbing Pierce's arm, "We shouldn't categorize him because of his handicap."

Jeremy stared at her, "I'm beginning to rethink my ideology about Man…"

"Why?" Britta asked, confused.

Before Jeremy could respond, Pierce interjected "…Now, stay steady and hold your breath, we're in for a long ride. BLINK!"

And the three prisoners were no more.

In the moment of their nonexistence, a voice would have been heard in the now empty cell.

_Jeremy as joined the party!_

Shortly after, they appeared in a far wider room.

Long stacks of stuff were stacked around inside large boxes.

"Great…" Britta sighed, looking around, "… Now we will search our crap for ages. Like we have nothing better…"

"Quit it, Brittles, I've already found it." Pierce yelled, searching in a box near his feet.

"Oh…" She said, almost disappointed.

Pierce threw at her a wooden box, Britta's Alchemist Set, and raised from his prone position with an armful of… unmistakably-shaped rods.

Britta stared at them, wide eyed, "Pierce, you're sure you want to give those things to Annie?"

"Of course, Brittles, they're perfect for her. She will love them!"

"I'm sure she will…" Britta muttered.

"Yes, and now that you have reunited with your belongings, I suggest escaping from here, and quickly!" Jeremy almost yelled, a worried look casted toward the only door in the room.

"Fine…" Britta went grabbing Pierce's and Jeremy's arm, waiting for Pierce to cast his spell.

He smiled nervously.

"Pierce…" Britta began, worried.

"Ehm…" He began unsurely, "… It appears I'm out of Mana."

"… What?"

"It seems that that old foul has wasted all his magic in random teleportation! Great, and I that was finally _this_ close to liberty!" Jeremy yelled to her, storming away from them.

"WHAT?!"

They heard a shout from outside the door, "I can hear them! They're inside the storage room!"

"Ugh, you are the worst." Jeremy grunted, trying to stack as many boxes as possible against the door.

"There is any way for you to regain your Mana?" Britta asked desperately as she heard heavy footstep from outside.

"I would need to take a nap, or to drink a Blue Potion, but I have none." He said.

Britta eyes lit up as she opened her box on the floor, "I can use my awesome alchemist skills to brew one of those, and I have everything I need here."

"You sure you can do it, Britta?" Pierce asked preoccupied.

"Don't worry…" She asked as she began mixing ingredients in an ampoule, "… I know what I'm doing."

* * *

Britta, Pierce, Jeremy (After the Incident)

"You didn't know what you were doing." Jeremy snapped, his wheelchair chained on the ground, his hands tied to the wheelchair.

"WHAT?" Britta yelled, tied on a chair. Burn marks were visible on her skin and clothing, her hair messy and dirty, her ears ringing.

"MPPFFFHHHH, MPFH!" Pierce tried to yell, his mouth gagged with a rag, he too tied on his chair.

"It's not my fault if the potion exploded, okay?!" Britta yelled again, glaring at his friend.

"Yes it is." Jeremy replied darkly, his hands tightly holding his armrests.

They were back in the interrogation room, an extra chair added, an huge hole in the wall behind them, a yellow-shirted guy standing by the door, guarding them.

Britta heard two voices. She turned at the hole in the wall.

Pierce looked at her confused before he too followed her gaze.

Jeremy stayed still, gaze on the door in front of him.

The voices neared.

"… 6 years of hard work, and it never happened something of this magnitude!" One voice said.

"MPFHHH!" Pierce tried to yell something that could have been "Annie!"

"POP, POP!"

"Good one prisoner 02-15, now shut up. And seriously Ann, what the hell are you talking about? This is Greendelia, we have riots all the time!" The second voice said.

Pierce muttered something that, to Britta's hears whose ringing was progressively fading, appeared to be "Jeff". Or "Gay".

"I didn't mean the failed escape of the prisoners, which by the way was your entire fault, I meant the disappearance of my cloak! You know how much is… fundamental for me."

"You mean that thing that regulate…"

"YES! That thing! There's no need to say it out loud!" The first voice hastily snapped.

"Oh, so that's why you couldn't…!" The second voice realized, him and his walking companion reaching the hole in the wall and surpassing it, trailing off some seconds later.

The footsteps stopped.

Fake-Jeff and Fake-Annie began walking backwards, reaching the hole in the wall and staring at it.

They both frowned.

"I knew that that was one of those days…" Fake-Jeff groaned, his face in his hands. He sighed before raising his head, his eyes full with annoyance.

They entered the room, reaching the sits who were once theirs.

One of the chairs had fallen to the ground because of the explosion, a purple cloak under it.

"My cloak!" Fake-Annie cheerfully squealed. She grabbed it from the ground, sealing the silver clip that kept it together on her armor. Purple sparks came off from it.

Fake-Jeff raised an eyebrow at her.

"Ahem, I mean. My cloak." She repeated with a more serious tone.

"Great, and now that the Commander has been returned with her cloak…" He turned his head toward them, "… Will someone explain what the hell happened?!"

"Ahem…" The yellow shirted guard tried to gain Fake-Jeff attention.

"Yes, you, there, guy, explain to me this mess. Full report." He snapped his fingers at the guard.

"Ahem, I'm Acting Sergeant Todd, sir."

"And I don't care. Now, what…" He trailed off, turning toward the guard, "… Why you are not a Red Shirt? No offence."

"None taken…" The guard said, no hint of resentment in his voice, "… But it appears that, during his escape, Prisoner 19-82 had killed half the contingent of Red Shirts, while Prisoner 18-84 was killing the other half through unknown explosive means…"

"It was supposed to be a Blue Potion!" Britta tried to justify herself.

Fake-Jeff sighed, "Okay. You there, Ted…"

"Todd."

"… Same thing, go to the Royal Shaman and ask for another batch of Red Shirts. We need them more than most. Meanwhile, me and the Commander will enquire the nature of what will be presented officially to the king as "A Small Incident" but will officiously named "A New Damn Mess"" He sit on his previous chair.

"Yeah, ahem, you see sir, the King's Orders states that, when most of the Red Shirts are killed off from a post, all the other Policepersons must…"

Fake-Jeff fist slammed on the table, "Screw the King's Orders, screw the Policepersons and screw the King!" Jeff bellowed, "Now, I declare this prison in state of emergency. This means that you must follow MY orders. And this means GO TO THE FREAKING ROYAL SHAMAN!"

Todd hurriedly backed away, almost running against the door. He opened it, exiting the room, and closed it behind.

Fake-Jeff frowned deeply, "Ugh, I'm already feeling an incoming stress headache."

Fake-Annie sit near him, gently patting his back, a small smile on her face, "Don't worry, I'm here for you."

He turned his head toward her, his big forehead relaxing. He smiled back, "I know."

Britta groaned loudly, "Ugh, not those two too! Get a room already!"

The two doubles of her friends turned to stare at her.

"OOHHH, you've just ruined one of their little moments, now you will have all their never-ending hate…" Jeremy scoffed sarcastically.

Fake-Jeff turned his glare at him, "Simmons, you weasel, what are you doing out of your cage?!"

"Simmons!" Britta yelled, regaining everyone attention, "That douchebag from City College's debate team! That's where I've already seen you!"

Simmons, Fake-Jeff and Fake-Annie gave her a weird look.

"As I was saying…" Fake-Jeff said, trying to ignore Britta outburst, "… Why are you even here?"

Simmons grunted, "I was kidnapped by those two lunatics! They broke into my cell, easily kidnapped me because of my condition, and then dragged me around as an hostage! I am the victim here!"

Britta gasped indignantly, "You traitor! You followed us willingly, and you were as much into it as we were! And that just came out wrong!"

Pierce nodded in agreement.

"See, she's probably buying time to plot another escape that will result in the death of other valuable personnel!"

"Why we would do that?" She asked shocked.

"Because you already did it. And also because you're evil."

"Good way to rethink your Life Philosophy, jackass! You're just like an oversized parrot."

That earned her more weird looks.

"On whom do you believe? At the well spoken and mistreated paraplegic, or at a raging madwoman who cannot even do an analogy."

"Well, if you put it in these terms…" Fake-Jeff began before being cut off by Fake-Annie.

"We believe in her."

"What?" Fake-Jeff asked confused before receiving a glare from Fake-Annie, "… Yeah, I mean, yes, we believe in her."

"On your face, Simmons! Let's see now how well you crawl away in shame!" Britta mocked the handicapped man. He then realized what she just did, "… Ehm, I actually wasn't mocking your condition, right Pierce? Pierce?"

The old man had suddenly dozed off without her knowing.

She cursed under her breath, "_And here it goes my only chance for an escape_"

"That's ridiculous!" Simmons snapped, "… Only because your insane girlfriend has sympathy toward her because of her similar mental condition, it doesn't mean that you…"

He was cut off by a sudden hiss.

After a moment, Britta realized that the hiss had been produced by one of Fake-Jeff's crossbows being fired. She didn't even notice him drawing it.

Simmons had a small, metal bolt right in the middle of his Forehead, blood pouring from it. His face fell on the near desk.

In the back of Britta's mind, she thought to hear Abed's voice.

_Jeremy is K.O. Jeremy has left the Party!_

"She… Is not… Insane…" Fake-Jeff said, panting, his arm still outstretched toward Simmons.

Britta gave him an horrified look, "You killed him…"

Fake-Annie looked annoyed, "Jeff, why you keep doing that?" She whined at him.

"He insulted your honor as the Commander and as a Lady. And also, because he was an annoying prat." He explained. He put back his crossbow in his holster.

"Yeah, and I'm flattered that you defended it, but, Jeff, that's already the fifth prisoner who fall on that table during the current month. You cannot keep doing that, sooner or later that thing will crumbles to dust because of the constant damage!"

"The table…" Britta asked, still shell-shocked, "… He just killed a man in front of you and you think about the table? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TWO?!"

They both stared at her.

"Lady, your friend here just decimated most of the guards of this prison, and you didn't bat an eye. What's wrong with YOU?" Fake-Jeff asked.

Britta gaped, trying to find the correct answer to that question. She failed.

A soft ringing was heard.

Jeff sighed and pulled out a small, black crystal ball from a pocket in his jacket.

"What now?" He asked, annoyed.

Todd face appeared inside the ball, "It's Todd here, sir. Ahem, there is a crowd of people outside the prison, Sir, and they demand explanations."

Fake-Jeff groaned, "Fine, let's go haranguing the herds. Oh, and, Todd…"

"Yes sir?"

"While you're in your quest to find the Royal Shaman, go and get Healer Jackie too. We need him to resurrect a prisoner."

"Again." Fake-Annie muttered. Fake-Jeff ignored her.

"I must tell him the causes of his death, Sir. It's the procedure."

"Well…" Jeff said, glancing at Simmons' body. A small pool of blood was forming around his head. "… Let's just call it another mysterious suicide."

"Yes sir." And Todd face blinked out from the ball.

"Great…" He said, standing up, "… Honey, I just go out a minute to yell at those troublesome kids on our lawn, would you like to come?" He asked, offering his arm.

"Of course, sweetie. But what about our two little angels here?" She said cheerfully.

Fake-Jeff stared at them.

"Let's just say that if they try to run away again, they too will be victim of a… mysterious suicide. Got it?"

Britta gulped slowly.

"Good…" He said as Fake-Annie took his arm. They leaved them, passing through the hole in the wall, heading right.

Britta, now sandwiched between a sleeping Pierce and a dead douchebag, sighed.

After a while, her eyes began to close themselves, as she too fell asleep.


	10. Flashback Senses Are Tingling

**A N: To own or not to own, this is the question. And the answer is that I don't own Community.**

**A N 2: I'm sorry for insulting J/B and A/A shippers on the author note of my previous chapter. It wasn't intentional. It's just that I've got a weird sense of humor. And that I usually write those notes in some sort of Delirium given by a demonic possession.**

**A N 3: If you want to read a better Hector/Marrrrr Fanfic, I suggest you "Intermediate Questing" from "theonceandfuturekiki". If you have already read it (Or you have masochistic tendencies) you can keep reading this Fic.**

Jeff, Annie, Shirley, Troy, Abed

People were gathered outside the prison.

In the back of the large crowd, our heroes were watching worriedly as a group of yellow shirted guys was placing wooden barrages between the prison entrance and the noisy mob. Meanwhile, some seemingly wounded red shirted guys were guarding a wooden spear stuck in the ground, a black orb on his top.

"I hope she's fine…" Troy muttered. He then took a lick from his ice-cream.

Shirley hummed in agreement, taking her a lick from her ice-cream too.

Annie gave them a confused look, "Guys, why do you have Ice-Cream?"

Troy shrugged, "We didn't manage to bail Pierce out of prison like those…" He shuddered, "… Weird people from that wand shop suggested us to do, so we went to that Tavern there…" He pointed to a nearby tavern, the words "Historical Ice-Cream House" Written on a sign on his door, "… and drowned our sorrows in Ice-Cream…" He cut off a sob, "… It didn't work, through."

Shirley gave him a side armed hug, careful not to drop her ice-cream.

Jeff gave them a bewildered stare, "Seriously, guys? That's all you did since you left us? You bought ice-creams?"

"With our already limited money!" Annie yelled indignantly, "And without buying it for us too, no less!"

"Well, what did YOU two did since we left you?!" Shirley asked, outraged.

Annie blushed, casting her gaze to the ground. Jeff uncomfortably shifted her gaze away from Shirley, briefly casted it on Annie, and then hurriedly set it away from his friends.

An awkward silence spoiled by the crowd's buzz filled the air.

_They were passionately making out._

Annie gasped, "Abed!"

"Not cool, man." Jeff scoffed, annoyed.

_I wasn't supposed to reveal that?_

"You weren't even supposed to WATCH that!" Annie shouted, earning some weird glances from the nearby bystanders. She muttered an apology to them, blushing harder than before.

_Interesting relationship development. It appear that the only way for you two to act accordingly to your feelings is when you're alone, away from the group. I wonder what that will bring to the Group dynamics next season._

"What are you talking about, Abed? We're not…"

But before he could finish, horns were being played by two of the yellow shirted guys.

From the now open door of the prison exited Jeff's and Annie's doubles.

The four friends stared at them, speechless, as the crowd began to quiet down.

Jeff's double took the orb out of the spear, holding it near his mouth, beginning his speech, his voice somewhat amplified.

"Citizens of Greendelia, I have grave news…" He dramatically paused as some of the members of the crowds gasped, "… Shortly after her capture perpetrated by our valiant Policepersons, Britta "The Scourge" of the Perrault Clan has tried to evade our constant watch, aided by a yet-to-identify Dark Wizard…" (The four friends literally facepalmed) "… But fear not, my honest citizens, because, thanks to the intervention of our fair Great Commander …" He gestured toward the Annie-Look-Alike, who awkwardly curtsied before discretely giving him a light smack on the shoulder "… the Scourge and her evil accomplice has been recaptured!" This earned cheers from the crowd, "… As we speak, both she and her co-conspirator are being transported to the Palace's Dungeons, way better place to contain their newfound destructive power. Unfortunately, because of the current state of events, I am forced to postpone The Scourge's trial as we have to elaborate yet more charges against her…" The crowd collectively groaned, "… In the meantime, however, you can all enjoy her partner in crime's trial in replacement for hers, which will begin in two days at best…" Some members of the crowd grunted begrudgingly, "…So, return to your homes, my fateful citizens, and fret no more over those matters. Everything is under control."

The people in the crowd stayed still.

Annie's double took the orb away from Jeff's Double's hand, "Clear the way, Civilians, the show is over; don't force me to arrest you all for Petty Rioting. Again."

The citizens hastily drifted away.

Annie's double put back the orb on the spear, leaving the square shortly after, Jeff's double quickly reaching her.

"So…" Jeff began as his double went away, "… Why there is a fantasy version of me?"

Silence.

"Abed?" Jeff asked impatiently.

No answer was heard.

"Abed!" Troy shrieked, "… please, that's not funny, where are you?"

They could almost hear the crows from the nearby park.

"Guys…" Annie began, a worried look casted toward Troy, "… I believe we've lost Abed."

* * *

Britta

Britta jerked awake as cold water was being thrown at her.

No more in the interrogation room, she was now lying on an uncomfortable bed inside a new cell. The barred window up on the tall wall was filtering the moonlight inside her cell. A chair was in the middle of the room, Fake-Annie sitting on it, an empty bucket near her.

She quickly jerked up, coming to a sitting position.

"You're awake…" Fake-Annie said matter-of-factly.

Britta indignantly gasped, "That's because you threw water at me, you…"

"I was tired to wait for you to wake up…" Fake-Annie cut her off, "… I need to talk to you."

Britta's eyes went wide, "Talk as in "A nice little chat between ladies" or talk as in "I will beat you till you bleed brain matter"?"

Fake-Annie slightly blushed, "Yeah, sorry about that, I thought you were someone else."

Britta disbelievingly looked at her, "And why have you now changed your mind?"

"The Scourge, the real Scourge, would never depend to any man for anything, let alone her escape. This means you're not her." Britta felt sick, realizing only now how much she depended on Pierce to get her freedom back.

Fake-Annie frowned, "Of course, this generates a whole range of possibilities. You could be a decoy, or a shape-shifter, or maybe her sister, or her clone…" Fake-Annie stopped, "… no, that would be stupid."

"I'm nothing like that…" Britta began, interrupting Fake-Annie's ramblings, "… I'm just… An adventurer. Yes, an adventurer that happens to look like the Scourge."

"An Adventurer…" Fake-Annie said with a faraway look, "… I used to be an Adventurer like you, once, you know. They were different times. Harder times."

She shook her head and rose from her sit, "Well, I leave you to your sleep. I was here only to communicate you that I'm afraid you will be our guest until we figure out who you really are or we capture the real Scourge. Good night." She almost knocked at the door before turning her head towards her, "Don't sleep too deeply, through, I might want to talk to you again."

She knocked at the metal door. The guard behind it quickly opened the door for her.

The door closed, the sound of a key being turned heard shortly after.

Silence filled the cell as Britta, still wet, and tried to return to sleep. She closed her eyes.

_And Plot Twist!_

Britta opened her eyes, "… Abed?" She almost yelled before remembering of the guard outside.

_Hi, Britta._

"Where the hell were you?!" She shout-whispered, "Thinking about it, why are you here?"

_I sensed your character when Fantasy-Jeff was giving his Winger Speech to the crowd. You were nearby enough to hijack my mind into yours…_

Britta made a disgusted face, "Abed, that's a wrong thing to do! I feel violated now."

_I don't see your problem. However, you are now in the Palace's Dungeons. They must have used the underground tunnels to bring you here without the crowd noticing it and lynching you, believing you as the real Scourge._

"Yeah, speaking about that, what's wrong with my friends' doubles…?" She frowned, "… Speaking of which, why there are my friends' doubles here?!"

_This, Britta, is a question that can be answered only by showing you some back-story of this world. And there's only a way for me to do that…_

Britta's eyes bulged out, "Abed, I swear, if you're about to do what I'm thinking you're about to do…"

_… INFODUMP!_

Britta's passed out as pain blossomed in her mind, memories filling it.

_It always works._

* * *

Fantasy-Annie

Lady Anna Vogel, fourth in line of succession to the throne of the Riverside Principality, was admiring the stars from the balcony of her room, her hands resting on the balustrade, only dressed in her nightgown.

She sighed as she casted her gaze on the ground far below her.

"_I wonder if a quick jump would end my misery..._" She contemplated, as the ground seemed more and more inviting as seconds passed.

Her father had leaved her when she was very little to her mother, a major player in Riverside's political games, who had always seen her more as another mean to achieve her way to the throne than as a daughter.

Since the day she was born, she had been instructed by an endless amount of strict private teachers to become the heir of the kingdom, never receiving the affection of her mother, too busy plotting the assassinations of the other contenders to the thrones, her only company the books of the library, filled with magic, heroes and True Love. When she was alone, she often fantasized to escape there, away from everything.

When she was twelve, she discovered that her music educator was a fugitive from a faraway land. She promised him to not denounce him if he taught her something else instead of singing. He taught her fencing for five years before he had to run away again, his identity exposed by her mother to the authorities. He was the closest thing to a friend she had.

And to top all the years of hell she had to suffer, weeks ago her mother had combined her marriage with Lord Edward, second in the line of succession to the throne, remembering only now to inform her. She didn't want to marry him. It wasn't that she didn't like him, he was… nice. It was just that he was her cousin, and she had met him only eight times before, and during all of that eight times he usually disappeared with his friends in the woods for long periods of time to do what he always referred to as "A Long Ride".

Anna often wondered what that meant.

She sighed again, somberly looking at the sky. She saw a shooting star.

"I wish something would happen to change my life…" Anna whispered, a tear coming from one of her eyes.

"Cool." A deep, emotionless voice behind her said, startling her.

She turned. Inside her chamber, in the middle of the room, was standing a man his arms folded on his chest, his face hidden under a black hood.

"W-what?" She asked, too shocked to scream for help.

"I mean, it's cool outside, you should come in." The man replied.

She quickly entered her room, drawing a small sword from behind her curtain and aiming it at her intruder "Who are you? Are you here to assassinate me? Because if you're here to assassinate me, I say that you're in a world of pain, mister…" The man didn't move, unnerving her "… S-so, leave me alone, or I will stab you… I mean it!"

The stranger cocked his head aside under his cloak, "You made a wish before, right?"

Anna slightly blushed, "Yes, and it is none of your business…"

"… Because I can make it come true."

Anna froze, "… What?"

"We can make a deal…" the man said, his voice still detached, "… I can make your wish happen. I can change your life forever, in better or in worse depends on you, and I can do it right now. I will only ask for a small payment…"

"Which is…? Not that I believe you…" Anna said, her voice a bit shaky, so desperate to leave her loveless life to listen to strange man in black cloaks.

The stranger looked at her hairs, "That golden hair clip will do…" he outstretched his arm, "… Deal?"

She eyed the hand of the man warily before hesitantly shaking it, "… Deal."

"Cool." And with a swift movement, he roughly snatched the hair clip from Anna's hairs before disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke.

"Ouch…" Anna yelped. The stranger had ripped off some of her hairs.

She blinked, looking around. Nothing had changed.

"So much to believe in fairy tales, Anna…" She muttered as she went to her bed, willing to sleep off her disappointment.

* * *

Three days after Anna made her deal with the devil, she was attending her engagement party.

She was discretely crying on a bench in the corner of the large garden, an ability she learned when she was seven, trying to not get anyone's attention.

"Hi. 'Morning. What's up?"

She raised her head. Above her was standing a barefooted man dressed like one of her mother's servants. He was reassuringly smiling at her, a lute strapped behind his back.

She tried to compose herself before he noticed.

"Hey, what's wrong mountain flower?"

"Nothing…" She hastily swept a tear away from her cheek.

"Pretty girls like you shouldn't cry, it's unnatural…" She smiled shyly, "… My name is Vaughn, what's yours?"

"I'm Anna…" She said, hoping against all hopes for him not to recognize her and her status as noble.

She wanted to talk with someone nice, for once.

"And what are you doing all alone here, Anna? There's a party inside."

She glared at the entrance of the ballroom, where the guests were all chatting amicably, "… I don't want to be here..." She frowned deeply, "… Actually, I don't want to be in my life."

He stared at her, "… So leave it."

She jumped in her sit, "What?"

"As the great philosopher Eustice Whitman once said, "Living in the moment is the only way to live life""

Her eyebrows narrowed, "What does that even…"

"It means that, if you don't like your life, just change it." He said, sitting near her. He smelled like pines and squirrels. She wasn't sure if it was bad.

"But, I cannot leave my life just like that; I need to make plans…" She tried to retort.

"And so you've already failed…" He said, giving her a condescending look, "… Look, I and my friends leave this place in half an hour to go to Greendelia for their annual Hacky Sack Championship, you can come with us…" He trailed of, looking expectantly at her.

In Anna's mind flashed millions of reasons for her to not go. As she opened her mouth to politely refuse the stranger's propose, her deal suddenly returned to her mind.

"I would like to come." She found herself say.

He smiled at her, taking her hand and conducing her across the garden, away from the party, "You will not regret this."

* * *

She was already regretting her choice.

Sure, she was growing to like Vaughn, with all his quirks and oddities. Maybe she felt something more for him. He was her second friend ever, how could she not like him.

Vaughn's friends were… nice, if a bit weird. They also used to wear far less clothes she was used to see on a man, and couldn't stop themselves from performing ballads to praise her beauty.

Which was flattering at first, but after their eleventh song about her hair it just became annoying.

Not that it mattered through, with all of them dead now.

Traveling horseback through a wide road between two wheat fields, they didn't expect to be ambushed by four bandits hidden in the ears.

They had asked them to handle all their values.

Vaughn tried to reason with them, saying that they should abandon their violent ways and join him in his quest for interior peace, offering them a cloud-sighting session on which build their friendship.

Him and his friends were dead in mere minutes, Annie unhorsed, now fallen on the ground, crawling away on her back from her four assailants, her terrorized eyes never leaving them.

"Look, Juergen, what a gorgeouz woman we have here. The Valhalla must have zent her to compenzate for their poverty…" He spat on Vaughn's body, he and his friend starting laughing soon after. Annie tried hard not to cry.

"Oh, Brother, you made the little princezz here cry…" The one called Juergen said, advancing towards her, "… Not that that zpoil anything, really."

"We will juzt zay to her mother that we had found her already like that…" Another one said, hands on his belt.

"Help!" She shrieked, trying to gain as much as distance as possible from the four men.

They started to wildly laugh, "Do you azpect the dashing prince to come and zave you? Zor-ry, sister, but thiz iz real life, not a fairy tale." The one supposed to be Juergen's brother sarcastically said.

"I AM TREVOR…"

The four men raised their head, turning them around, "What the hell iz that noise…?"

"… STHEPHEN…"

They raised their head further. A black man wearing a white robe was falling on them from the skies.

"… MCGOODY…"

He descended on one of the bandits, kicking his head with a flying roundhouse kick, snapping his neck. He then landed on the bandit's shoulders, jumping from them shortly after, landing behind them.

The body of the bandit fell on the ground near Annie, his sword still in his hands. Her gaze focused on it.

The three bandits turned to face him, staring at him in horror. Juergen, first to come back to his senses, held his sword in front of him, "Come' on, he'z disarmed and alone, while there are three of uz, he cannot…" He was cut off by an uppercut of the black man aimed directly at his jaw. He flew in the air, falling few miles away.

"… AND MY PUNCHES ARE AS STRONG AS MY KICKS!" He bellowed, retreating few steps away.

"You killed Juergen…" One of the remaining bandits said shocked before charging at the man, "UND, TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!"

A figure appeared out of thin air, making him trip to the ground with his outstretched leg.

"Actually, his genre blindness killed him…" The figure said, kneeling down near the fallen man and resting is hand on his head, "… Cool catchphrase through. INFLICT CRITICAL WOUNDS."

The fallen man began to scream as multiple injuries began to form themselves from the hand of the man and to spread on his head. He stopped screaming shortly after as the wounds began to reach his throat.

Juergen's brother, last survivor of the massacre tried to flee away. Unfortunately, he tripped on one of his friends' body, his face slamming against the ground.

He tried to rise from the ground. A foot was stomped on his back keeping him down. He raised his head and saw Anna, the bandit's sword in her hands.

"It's the Gotterdammerung…" Juergen's Brother whimpered in fear as Anna raised her sword up in the air, ready to strike.

"That's for Vaughn, you Eurotrash Stereotype!" She yelled, her eyes filled with tears and anger.

And she stroke with the might of a vengeful Valkyrie.

* * *

Anna's knees sunk on the ground.

"_I've killed a man…_"

Tears kept escaping from her eyes, Juergen's brother's blood still on her guilty hands, the equally guilty sword near her.

"_I've killed a man and I enjoyed it…_"

She tried to clean the blood on her hands with the nearby wheat, scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing and…

"Are you okay…?"

She snapped her head up, the sword already in her hands and pointed toward the speaker.

"Get away from me!" She screamed, her eyes still filled with tears, her hands still filled with blood.

"_Because I could kill you…_"

In front of her were her two saviors, they're eyes bulged out.

She hesitantly lowered the sword, "Sorry, I thought…"

And then the black man began to sob, "Oh my god, I am so sorry!" He hugged her tightly.

She stiffened, "_Go away, I don't want to kill you…_"

"Because we were Air Walking above you, and we saw those evil bandits around all those bodies, and you were there practically screaming damsel in distress, and so I did the first thing that came to my mind and fell down to save you. I DIDN'T WANT TO SCARE YOU! PLEASE, FORGIVE ME!"

"_I kil… Wait, what?_"

"Forgive you?" She asked, hesitant, "You… You saved my life, how could I not forgive you?"

His sobs began to calm, "Thank you…" He said breaking the hug, "I am Trevor St. McGoody, Monk, who are you?"

"I am…" she trailed off.

The four bandits knew her. Or at least they knew her mother. She had probably already put a bounty on her head, asking for her return, alive. What if her two saviors would reveal themselves her new captors? She had to think of a new name, and fast.

"I am… Caroline… Decker" She said, hoping to sound convincing.

The black man nodded, a bright smile on his face.

"_He is cute_" She thought, slightly blushing. Her mind went back at Vaughn and his friends.

The black man frowned, "No. No. No. No. No. No. No tears, please."

She tried to contain herself, "… Okay."

"It's better for you to travel with us…" The second man said in an emotionless tone, "… It's not safe for a woman to travel alone in those fields."

Anna's pride stirred, "Well, mister, I let you know that I took 5 years of fencing. I am completely capable of defending myself, _thankyouverymuch_."

The man cocked his head aside, "5 years of fencing you say?"

Troy's eyes went wide "Abed…"

"Shaman"

"… Yes, Shaman, right…" He quickly corrected himself, "… You are not thinking she can do it, right? She's scared and afraid, She will never handle the pressure."

Pride then woke up and met Wrath on his way to work.

"Sorry?" She asked, her eyes wide with anger, "I'm 18, I can do whatever I want! Tell me what's that thing I'm not capable of doing, and I will do it gladly!"

"Cool…" Abed smiled as Anna cooled down a little, "… Caroline, I'm offering you a place in my adventuring group as a fighter, what do you say?"

She gaped at him.

"_I killed a man and I enjoyed every second of it. I shouldn't encourage such behavior in myself by becoming an adventurer..._"

She looked at Troy, his bright smile slightly faltered by a frown.

"… _But good lord if he's cute._"

* * *

Marrrrr was sitting at the bar in a tavern on one of the road between Greendelia and the other countries.

People had once said that all the roads went to Greendelia. Marrrrr believed they were wrong. He knew that all the roads were running away from Greendelia.

He took a sip of his scotch as he waited for Abed to show up.

Suddenly a man in a cowboy hat sat on the stool next to him.

He groaned, "Rider, that's not the moment…"

"Oh, I think it is, Mr. Insecure…" The man said, a small crossbow on his hand, aimed at him, "… After your little riot during the Sun Chamber Ceremony, Vice King Laybourne had put a price on your head, a price so large that every bounty hunter of the kingdom will be looking for you. I'm lucky I've found you first."

Marrrrr sighed, "Look, I'm sorry for the mess I caused. I will pay my debt to the Vice King once I've found enough money to…"

"The vice king is tired of your shit, Marrrrr…" He said, "… And he has put no conditions about your health for your capture…" He smirked, "… I've been looking forward killing you for a long time."

"Yes, I'll bet you have…"

There was then the sound of a crossbow being fired.

Rider's eyes went wide. He looked down, a small bolt sunk in his chest, one of Marrrrr's crossbows still aimed at him.

"You shot first…" He whimpered as Marrrrr gave him a small push, making him fall on the ground.

"Yeah, buy the promotional T-Shirt at hell's souvenir shop when you reach it…" He turned around the tavern. Nobody had batted an eye for the man's death.

He saw Abed, sitting on a large table on the back of the local. Marrrrr frowned.

"_Who the hell are those guys?_"

He stood up, reaching the table, grabbing Abed's shoulder and dragging him away from the table.

"Abed…" Marrrrr began before being interrupted by his friend.

"Shaman" He corrected him.

"… Whatever, who are those people?"

"Marrrrr, do you remember when you told me to meet you at this tavern to discuss our plans for the future?"

"Yes, Ab… Shaman, it was an hour ago…"

"Cool, because, you see, us meeting in a tavern seems like a classical adventure start…"

Marrrrr pinched his nose, trying desperately to ward himself against a stress headache, closing his eyes "… Please, tell me you didn't do what I think you did…"

"I've invited those three people to join us in our oncoming quest."

Marrrrr groaned, "Shaman, we are not in an epic poem, we aren't heroes, we're fugitives! When I said that we would have discussed our plans for the future, I didn't…"

"Stop being a Jerkass, Marrrrr…" Abed-Who-Prefer-To-Be-Called-Shaman interrupted, "… give it a try. Maybe you will like the heroes' lifestyle after a while."

Marrrrr sighed, "I must be stupid…" he glared at him, "… Fine, but only because I'm desperate to leave this sewer of a country"

"Cool, now, let's go to meet the team." Abed said, him and Marrrrr advancing toward the table.


	11. Portrait of the Commander as a Young Man

**A N: Don't Own. Not even a little bit.**

**A N 2: Every day, I'm sacrificing my blood on my private altar dedicated to the Great Old Ones for Jeff and Annie to get together. Every. Single. Day. THIS MEANS THAT THEY MUST GET TOGHETER AT ALL COST! YOU HEARD ME HARMON? AT ALL COST! You don't want to piss off Cthulhu, don't you?**

Fantasy-Annie

"Guys…" Abed said approaching the table, sitting near Trevor, "… This is Marrrrr, he is a warlord, and is the technical leader of my adventuring party…"

""Your" Adventuring Party, Abed?" He said sitting on a chair on the far corner of the table, no one near him.

"Shaman" He quickly corrected him.

Marrrrr's fist slammed on the table, "And seriously, quit it, Abed, no one will ever call you with your stupid nickname!"

The black man near him deflated, "Oh, damn, I liked my battle name!"

"And you are…?" Marrrrr said, his attention now on him.

"Oh, I am Tre…" He trailed off, his gaze now on the table, "… I mean, I'm Troy Barnes, monk."

Abed put a comforting hand on his back.

"Wait, you're a black monk?" Marrrrr said as Troy nodded, "That's racist."

"Sorry?" Troy asked indignantly.

"You're enforcing the stereotype that black people are natural jumpers." Marrrrr explained.

"Hel-lo…" A short, bearded dwarf greeted from his seat, stopping Troy's retort and their probable first fight, "I'm Zippy-De-Do, cleric of Moradin, chief of the true and only gods…" He said, smiling sweetly under his black beard, "… And I would hope that during our adventures we will not raid any Dwarven temples, but only the ones of the faux inexistent other ones."

Marrrrr stared at him, "Fine by me, just don't waste all your share of loot in drinking, and don't give us problems because of a bar fight."

Zippy-De-Do gasped, "I have to tell you that I haven't touched alcohol in ages, goliath!"

Marrrrr raised an eyebrow, "So we have a black monk, an abstemious dwarf and…" He trailed off, inspecting the third occupant of the table, the closest to his seat.

"Ehm…" Anna said awkwardly, trying to deepen her voice "I am… A fighter."

Anna was dressed in one of the bandit light armors, her hands now cleaned of blood, her hair now in a bun, hidden by her helmet. Abed had suggested her to "Incarnate the Sweet Polly Oliver role" (His words) and pretend herself to be a man. She eagerly agreed, remembering some… very descriptive scenes she had read from the books taken from the prohibited ward of the castle library, especially the one that had happened to the poor virginal maiden who was left alone with the three warriors.

"_Not that I would mind that much…_" Anna though once she had seen Marrrrr. Or technically, Marrrrr's badly covered abs.

"… And a boy so scared that he cannot even say his name." Marrrrr concluded, sarcastically.

Anna gasped, "I'm not scared, and I'm definitely not a boy!" She cringed, fearing to have revealed too much.

"Well, big man, what's your name?" Marrrrr asked mockingly.

"I'm…" Anna faltered a little, "Hectorthewellendowed"

"Sorry?" Marrrrr asked, coming closer to her. He smelled like… something Anna had never smelled before but that her literary knowledge knew well. He smelled the same as those warriors. Blood and Violence and Man.

She flushed, "I'm Hector the Well-Endowed."

Marrrrr raised an eyebrow at her, "Do you have proof for that?"

Anna flushed more deeply, "Well…" She gazed at Abed, pleadingly.

"I've got paintings taken by Hector's various conquests, most of which are skilled artists…" Abed said, searching in his bag of holdings, "… If you wait a minute I will find them."

"There's no need for that…" Jeff hastily said, retreating in his sit.

"Cool." He stopped, returning to stare at the occupants of the table.

"Okay…" Marrrrr began, his gaze shifting between all the members of his party, "… I don't care why you're here. Maybe you're here because you want an Adventure, or you're here because you think it will make a difference, or because you're running away from something. What I care, is the fact that we're now an Adventuring Party. We will trust each other like family, we will help each other like family, and we will be family. I will do it to you, and I'm sure you will do it to me. Now I say as a first quest to go outside, go to the nearest Dungeon Crawl, and loot the shit out of it. Who's with me?!"

The four adventurers cheered in agreement.

* * *

"Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…" Marrrrr kept repeating as him and the rest of his party was running away from the horde of Giant Spiders along the long, dark corridor of the Dungeon Crawl.

"THIS PLACE IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE "MAZE OF EASY DIFFICULTIES" …" Troy screamed as tears filled his eyes, "… WHY THERE IS AN HORDE OF GIANT SPIDERS TO GUARD A SMALL STASH OF SILVER?!"

"I don't know…" Abed said, his voice slightly less detached than usual, "… it's an interesting subversion of the Noob Cave, through."

"Less talking, more running!" Anna screamed, her short legs keeping her the second to last of the group.

"Guys…" She heard behind her, "… They've almost reached me!"

Anna turned her head. Zippy-De-Do was messily running in his shorter legs. He tripped as the Giant Spiders came more and more near him.

Anna stopped, turning around, her mind filled with memories of Vaughn and his friend, dead because she couldn't defend them. Dead because of her.

"Well, not this time!" She yelled, drawing her sword and quickly putting herself between them and the small dwarf.

"No, pumpkin, save yourself!" Zippy-De-Do shouted. But she couldn't hear him. All she could hear was the sound of her heartbeat fastening. All she could feel was her mind lighting itself. All she could see was the spiders.

She raised her sword, smiling wickedly "It's time for some pest control."

The first Spider who reached her was the first one to lose his head.

* * *

Marrrrr stopped in his track as he heard the sound of slashing.

He turned quickly. Hector was effortlessly cutting his through the spider horde. He stopped Abed and Troy once they reached him, raising them from the ground.

"WHY HAVE YOU STOPPED US?!" Troy shrieked, his feet still running in mid-air, "THOSE THINGS ARE… Oh."

"Yeah, Oh…" He said, putting them both on the ground, "Now, I've just realized a thing…"

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" Hector shouted as he slashed the belly of a Giant Spider from bellow, literally bathing in the green blood sprayed from it.

"… And the thing is that I cannot do a rising speech about companionship if at the first sight of trouble we leave our friends behind."

Meanwhile, Zippy-De-Do used his spells to ward off Hector from the blows he would have received by the Spiders he wasn't actually slaughtering.

"So, I say to go there before the boy steal all our EXP, got it?"

Without waiting for their answer, he drew both is crossbows as he approached the horde of spiders, Troy and Abed quickly following him.

"I say, Marrrrr, this is an interesting char…"

"Shut up, Abed."

* * *

During her bloodlust, Anna didn't notice three things.

One, a smaller giant spider attacking her from bellow, biting her left arm.

Two, the fact that, despite her efforts, more and more Spiders were coming there, converging on her.

And three, her fellow adventurers jumping, shielding, shooting and casting spells all around her.

Not that she cared.

"He will not die…" She screamed, thrusting her sword inside one of the spiders, "… I will not let it happen again…" Another spider tried to attack her from behind before being grounded by a flying kick from Troy on him, "… MY FRIENDS WILL NOT DIE AGAIN!" She screamed, thrusting and slashing and cutting and…

A spider bigger than the others towered above her.

Her mind cleared, "Oh, Cra…"

* * *

"So…" Marrrrr said while sitting on the bench of the makeshift camp they hastily had built outside the Dungeon, "… We suck at adventuring."

"I don't know Marrrrr…" Abed said, still counting the loot before the sharing, "… If we consider all the silver pieces those spiders had dropped once dead, the Black-Belt of Epic Jumping that Troy had found in the first room we visited…" Troy landed on his palms before back-flipping and jumping again high in the air, all of that cheerfully screaming "-EEEEEEEEEESOOOOO-" "… and the small ruby you stole when we weren't looking from the last room before all those Spiders swarmed on us…" Marrrrr guiltily drew said ruby away from a pocket in his jacket and placing it on the top of small hill of silver coins, "… We have a pretty big income."

"Yeah…" Marrrrr said sarcastically, "If we didn't have to replace all the Red and Blue potions we consumed, our now soaked in probably venomous blood clothes and, most important of all, all the darts for my babies."

Zippy-De-Do stared at him, confused.

"He means his crossbows." Abed explained.

"Oh…" Zippy-De-Do realized before casting his gaze away from the group.

Hector was sitting alone under a far away tree.

"Do you think he's alright?" Zippy-De-Do asked with concern.

Marrrrr grunted.

Abed stared at Zippy-De-Do, "As a cleric, you should go to check his physical health…" He stated mater-of-factly, "… And maybe also his spiritual one."

Zippy-De-Do chirped enthusiastically, standing up from her sit and walking toward Hector.

Marrrrr stared suspiciously at Hector, "Are you sure that guy is a fighter?"

"Yes, why?" Abed asked, curiosity slightly ruining his usual tone.

"Because that thing he pulled before seemed pretty barbarian-like to me."

Abed thought about it in silence for a while, "Impossible, I'm pretty sure Hector is lawful. Barbarians cannot be lawful."

"So what was that?" He asked as the dwarf reached Hector.

"I don't know" Abed said, the first time Marrrrr ever heard those words coming from his friend mouth.

Marrrrr and Abed stayed in silence for some minutes, pondering.

A silence broken by Troy landing on his feet to back-flip again and jumping from his palms again high in the air, still screaming "-OOOOOOOOOMEEEEEEEEEE-"

* * *

"_What monster am I becoming?_"

Why was she doing this? Between her meeting with Troy and Abed and the recruitment of Zippy-De-Do she had by now understood that the only things Troy will ever love are his fists, jumping and Abed.

So why was she still there? By now, she wasn't there for his cuteness. So why was she still there?

Anna was staring at her hands still covered with the Spiders' green blood. She had lost count of her killings after some time, her mind constantly screaming to her to slash and thrust and cut…

A small figure sat near her dropping his smaller mace to the ground. She stiffened.

"Thank you for saving me before…" the dwarf said, smiling brightly at her from under his beard.

Anna blinked, turning toward him.

"… Because I saw all of you beanpoles running away and for a moment I thought that…" Zippy-De-Do stopped as Anna tightly hugged him.

"Oh…" The dwarf said uncomfortably, "… That's nice."

Anna broke the hug, "I don't leave anyone behind" She said, realizing now why she was there.

She had friends. Or at least, potential friends. People that she will progressively know and love, like it happened to all those heroines in all of those books she had read before. The non-prohibited kind, at least.

She smiled at the dwarf.

The dwarf smiled back before casting his gaze down, frowning.

"Why are you bleeding from your trousers?"

Anna froze. "_How the hell I didn't noticed it?!_"

"Ehm…" She awkwardly began before realization hit the dwarf.

"You're a wo…!" He tried to yell before being silenced by Anna's hand.

"Yes, yes, keep it down, Shorty; I don't want the others to know!" "_Not that it would matter now, the only one that doesn't know it is Marrrrr…_"

She freed Zippy-De-Do mouth.

He pouted, "Alright missy, first off, I resent the Shorty comment…" "Sorry…" Anna apologized shyly, "… Second…" He gave her a bright smile, "… I'm very happy with your choice! Finally some beanpole who embrace the holy and natural Dwarven conception of sexuality!" He slapped her back, "You should have told me once we met, I would have helped you with your… womanly shames."

Anna stared at the dwarf, "Are you implying that you too are a wo…"

"As you said, no need to say it out loud…" He, or better she, quickly interrupted her, "… Now, let's go somewhere more private where I can give you some magical leaves perfect for those kinds of situations…" The dwarf said, rising from the ground, "… And why not, maybe we will talk about those things other girls talk about, like men and dresses and the salvation of your soul."

Anna somberly followed the dwarf, knowing well to be now doomed to receive a sermon if she wanted to stop her blood loss.

* * *

"Remind me again why we need a flock of Pegasi?" Marrrrr asked, him and his group approaching a small farm.

"The contact for our first quest had requested seven Pegasi as necessary equipment for us, I suspect because we will need to travel very fast for very long distances." Abed explained to him.

"Guys…" Hector, now tasked with the management of the common loot after Troy's and Abed's third attempt to waste it all in magic beans sold by a weird-looking farmer, said, concerned, "… I did the math and I'm afraid we will never reach the necessary sum of money to buy a Pegasus, let alone seven…"

As they neared the farm, they could see seven brightly colored Pegasi roaming in an enclosed meadow, a blonde woman emptying a bucket of some unspecified brown substance inside a wooden vat.

"Maybe it will not be necessary to pay, Hector…" He said, straightening his posture as he reached the woman.

"Oh, hey. Pegasi."

"Don't hit on me…" The woman said, raising from the ground and turning to face Marrrrr, "… I'm officially done with male human jackasses that…" She stopped, blinking at him.

Marrrrr gaped at her, "… Britta?"

"Marrrrr…" Britta coldly greeted him, "… I should have known it was you when I've smelled you oversized ego and cheap cologne…"

"Do you know her?" Abed asked, his mind already elaborating the infinity of repercussions for this.

"Yeah…" He said, still stunned, "… we were kind of…"

"Friends…" Britta scoffed, grabbing the bucket, "… with special… advantages."

Zippy-De-Do grunted, "How original, a lascivious elf…"

Britta glared at him, "How original, a judgmental dwarf…" She blinked, "… n-not that I'm being racist, I'm superior to those kind of things…"

"Look, Britta, we need your Pegasi…" Marrrrr cut short, trying to stop a fight between the elf and the dwarf, "… If you could possibly lend them to us…"

She glared at him, "I don't sell or lend my Pegasi. We have established such a bonding of friendship that…" the nearest Pegasus spitted on her. She froze. "See, that means that they love me" She said as she cleaned herself.

"Listen, we really need your Pegasi…" Hector pleaded, stepping in, "… There isn't anything that we could do for you to change your mind?"

Britta stared at him, "Well…" She began stepping closer to Hector, sniffing the air around him, "… maybe you could convince me in some way…"

Hector, Abed and Zippy-De-Do stiffened. Marrrrr scoffed, "Come' on, Britta, he's just a boy and you are like, what, 3000 years old?"

"I'm 208, you jerk!" She bitted back, tacking Hector's hand and dragging him inside the house, ignoring his pleading looks casted towards Abed.

* * *

Meanwhile, up in the skies

"Come' on Derpy, let's waste them!" Troy cheerfully squealed as he was riding his Pegasus against some clouds, having stolen it when everyone wasn't looking.

The Pegasus neighed, happier than she have ever been in her entire life.


	12. Knee Deep in the Flashback

**A N: Community is like an Utopia. I will never own it, but it helps me to keep going.**

**A N 2: I wanted this bloody flashback to end in one, maybe two chapters. But, just like J/A, it drags itself until judgment day.**

**A N 3: Quick chapter to give some news. The chapters for this Fic will be slowed down a little because of the other work I'm working on, "Intensive Course in Eerie Stuff", findable on my profile page on this site. And also because Real Life. This doesn't mean that this Fic is Dead, like Allison Brie's comment doesn't mean that J/A is Dead. Just… don't expect a chapter every three days like before.**

Fantasy-Annie

Anna entered the house, dragged by the strong elven maiden.

Her brain was panicking.

"_What I'm going to do now? If I don't please her, we will never get the Pegasi, but I cannot actually please her, being myself a woman, and even if I manage to do that, she will find out…_"

"Stop thinking." Britta commanded, gesturing to Anna a small bed, a chair besides it.

It was suitable only to contain one person. Or two really cramped people.

"Ehm, I'm flattered by your attention, your highness, but…" She began, thanking her god and her manners' instructor for the lesson about Elven Bon-Ton.

"Cut the crap, I know you're a woman." The pointy eared Britta said, sitting on the chair besides the table.

"Oh…" She began, absentmindedly distending herself on the small bed.

"But… Why do you want to… sleep with me?" She whispered shyly.

Britta gasped, "What? I don't want to sleep with you!" She flinched, "… N-not that there is anything wrong about those kind of practices..."

"And so why am I here?"

"Because…" She said while taking a notebook and a pair of glasses from under her sit, "… You are a woman dressed as a man in an environment clearly dominated by an egotistic jerk…" She scoffed, "… Hence, my intervention to help you regain your female status and to understand the triggers that brought you here…"

"So, you're not going to sleep with me?" Anna said, surprising herself with her disappointed tone.

"Good, there's a lesbian side there, we need to talk about that later…" She said, scribbling something on her notebook, "… Now, what's your name?"

"Hector the Well-Endowed."

She gave her a skeptic look, "Sweetie, the first step to establish a truthful link with another person is to say to her your real name…" She grunted, "… unlike some human bastards who are more interested in their crossbows, who are TOTALLY a phallic symbol, then in establishing anything important with anyone!"

"Why, His name it's not Marrrrr?" Anna asked curiously, trying to divert her conversation from anything else beside her.

"Of course it's not Marrrrr, Abed gave him that Battle Name…" She scoffed, "… What kind of sadistic mother would allow such a name to be given to his son?"

Anna saddened, "Mine, probably."

Britta gave her an encouraging look as she wrote MOMMY ISSUES on her notebook.

"Look, I really don't want to talk about…" Anna began to say before being interrupted by Britta.

"Just for an hour, then I give you the Pegasi and we go on our merry way!"

""We"?" Anna asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, I'm the only one who can control them, you will need me in your voyage. This will allow us more girly talks in the future! We will talk about boys and dresses and your damaged childhood."

"Yaaayyyyy." Anna fake cheered.

Britta gave her a pleading look.

Anna sighed, "What do you want to know?"

Britta's eyes went bright, "Everything!"

* * *

"Why is taking them so long?!" Marrrrr shouted, sitting on the grass, Abed and Zippy-De-Do besides him.

"Judging by the position of the sun, it has passed only 3 hours since our friend's departure…"

"3 hours, Abed! No man last that long. Especially with an elf!" He retorted.

Abed stared at him, "Are you jealous of Britta?"

"What? No!" He asked, shocked, "It's just that…"

"Oh, I understand. Knowing your not so glorious sexual past with her, you are probably just envious of Hector well-endowed stamina…"

Marrrrr grunted, "… Like I would be envious of a toddler… Oh, here they are!"

He jumped upright, running towards them.

Zippy-De-Do shook her head at him.

* * *

As she saw Marrrrr running towards them, Britta side-whispered to Anna.

"Back me up… Oh, Hector, your satisfying and extremely long arguments have convinced me to lend my Pegasi to you. May I help you in some other ways?" She asked, repeatedly batting her eyes.

Anna blushed, "Ehm, no, thanks…"

"Oh, but I insist…" She said, invading her personal space.

"Ehm, maybe if you could join us in our quest to tend to the Pegasi…" She said, blushing harder.

"I would be honored…"

Marrrrr coughed to catch their attention, "Very cute, Hector. Unfortunately, I'm the leader of this group, so I am the one that decides who joins us and who doesn't. And I'm afraid that there is no power on this land that will allow you to join us, Britta!"

"And…"

* * *

"… Gilligan Cut!"

Troy gave a relieved look at his friend, "Thank god, you haven't talked since the farm."

They were now up in the skies, the six of them each riding a Pegasus, a seventh one following quickly behind.

Marrrrr, Anna and Britta were at the leading the flock, Marrrrr not talking to neither of them, Anna blushing slightly and Britta sometimes giving a smug smirk to her. Britta and Marrrrr considered themselves too cool to give a name to their Pegasus, and Annie tried to blend in with them by not giving a name to his one either.

She still secretly called her Twilight Sparkle, through.

Abed was calmly following on his Pegasus, by him called Doctor Hooves, as Troy kept doing acrobatics on Derpy.

Zippy-De-Do was hugging tightly his Pegasus, her eyes closed.

"Why is this thing so much fast? A proper dwarf shouldn't be so much high in the sky! He could fall!"

Abed came close to her, "Zippy, your horse is the slowest of the group."

Zippy-De-Do opened her eyes, "… Oh."

"Also, he wants to let you know that his name is not "This Thing"…" Abed said, his detached tone gaining a slightly British accent, "… It's Susan, and he wants you to respect his life choices."

* * *

They reached the meadow where Abed said there would have been their employer.

On a rock on it was sitting an old man wearing an elven cloak, a magnificent sword in his right hand.

He grunted, "Took you time…"

"Lady, gentlemen…" Abed began, dismounting from his Pegasus, "This is Lord Pierce "Dick" Hawthorne. He has tasked us to guide him in his epic quest to retrieve a magical amulet from a lake on a faraway land and then protect him against some men that wants him dead."

"Weird adventuring group you present me, A-bed…" He began, descending from the rock and revealing his nakedness underneath his cloak.

The adventurers reacted with various amounts of disgust.

"… A lesbian ranger…" Britta gasped indignantly.

"… The shortest dwarf in the world…" "Excuse me?" Zippy-De-Do asked threateningly.

"… A man with a forehead the size of a stadium…" Marrrrr scoffed, seemingly unaffected.

"… A kid who has read too much epic poems and love ballads…" Anna gasped, offended by the man remark.

"… And a…" He looked at Troy, squinting his eyes, "… Okay, that one is a normal one…"

He sighed, "… I guess they will do. Oh, hey my Pegasus!" He ran towards the Pegasus.

"Sorry, old man, but we haven't yet decided to help you in your quest…"

"Jeff…" Abed nudged his side, "… He pays in advance with 500 golden pieces, and then 2000 each once the job is done."

Marrrrr's eyes went wide, "… But of course we will be honored to serve you, so, what's the destination?"

Pierce caressed the side of his horse, "Patience, Forehead, I'm thinking of a name for my Horse…"

He stood silently until he mounted his Pegasus with a bright smile, aiming high in the air, the six adventurers begrudgingly following him.

"Giddy up, Sleipnir, we have an amulet to catch!"

Marrrrr sighed, "This is going to be a long quest…"


	13. Shards of Frozen Memories

**A N: It has been prophesized that the day I will own Community, fire will fall from the havens to applaud my victory! Today… is not that day. Unfortunately. Just in case, watch your head next time you exit from your homes.**

**A N 2: And yet another missed occasion for Jeff and Annie to dance at a school dance. I'm so much disappointed, Harmon. And you know what happens when I'm disappointed of someone? They meet some old… friends of mine. People with more experience in the use of rusty steak knives and painful vegetal poisons than with Fanfics and Shipping. It's better if you begin to hide and start to think about getting them together, Harmon, because my friends are also the most skilled Hide-And-Seek players of all time, and they've already started searching you.**

Fantasy-Annie

An arrow hit Britta's shoulder as the group was camping in a wooden clearing, their Pegasi circling the air above them.

"GOBLINS!" Marrrrr shouted, drawing his crossbows, ready to fight.

"Protect me, fouls!" Pierce shouted, "… I pay you for that!"

The group drew their weapons, forming a circle around Pierce, facing all sides of the clearing.

Britta tried to unsuccessfully call the Pegasi. One of their spits hit her on the head.

"Wait…" Britta said, trying to clean her hair, "… Maybe those forests are this people rightful land and we're just invading it. I know that if you let me do parley with them…"

Another arrow was shot at her by the hidden goblin assailants. Troy caught it in midair, breaking it.

"They don't seem too eager to talk!" He yelled with a panicked tone.

The goblin rushed in, short swords held high in the air, shouting obscenities.

The fight began.

"That's not a nice thing to say…" Zippy-De-Do pointed out at a very informative goblin as she smashed his head with a mace. She started healing Britta's shoulder soon after.

"Aw, sorry…" Anna said, trying to contain herself as she maimed goblins, "… Look, could you all just please…" A goblin jumped in the air, ready to strike. She instinctively beaded him, "… See, I did it again. I just would like if…" Another goblin rushed in, trying to stab her legs. She cut of his hand, catching his sword in mid air, dual wielding it with hers, "… See, I'm not completely a monster yet! You're still alive and you can still get a job even without…"

Two arrows hit her in the chest, piercing her armor and making her yelp.

She silently beheaded the defenseless goblin in front of her, impaling him then with his own sword, progressing towards the Goblin Archers on the trees, a trail of carnage in her wake.

"Look, Troy..." Britta bitterly said to the black monk as he kept catching arrows directed at her, "… It's all very flattering, but I'm an independent, Elven woman. There's no need to…"

A goblin appeared out of nowhere, ready to thrust his sword in her back.

Troy punched him away from her.

She gave him a small smile.

Then she shot down those damn snipers before they could shot another arrow at her.

"WHY THERE ARE SO MANY DAMN GOBLINS?!" Marrrrr yelled at Abed, constantly trying to get away from the fight to keep his clothes clean from the goblins' blood. And also to shoot better at them. But mostly to keep his clothes clean.

"THERE MUST BE SOME NEW OVERLORD DOING ANOTHER MASS REPRODUCTION PROGRAM OR ANOTHER HANDWAVE LIKE THAT!" Three different Abeds yelled at him from various points in the field.

One of them got stabbed by a goblin, his body vanishing shortly after.

The goblin stared at the now empty space, bewildered.

He then got backstabbed by Abed, who had reappeared behind him.

"Projection killing. It always works."

"FEEL THE POWER OF THE HAWTHORNE FAMILY, DICKS!" Pierce yelled, the mighty sword of Duquesne killing many goblins every time he swung it.

"They're stronger than expected! Chang of plan, Retreat!" Their leader, a short goblin with Asian features, yelled at the other goblins as he began to flee back in the woods.

The few survivors ran back in the woodlands, leaving the heroes behind.

* * *

Shortly after the battle, the adventurers were sitting around a campfire, eating their rations, Hector sitting, as usually after another killing spree, under a tree shortly away from them.

"Money well spent…" Pierce said contentedly at the others, "… Of course, I could have defeated them single handedly, but…"

"Easy to talk when you have an epic sword of cheating…" Troy somberly said while eyeing the sword with envy as Zippy-De-Do was healing his wounds.

"If you want it you can have it…" Pierce said half-mindedly , "… It's not mine anyway…"

"Really?!" Troy asked, beaming at him.

He passed him the sword.

Troy sniffed it.

"Weird, it smells like the no-no of an horse…"

"Sorry, can I have a look at that sword?" Britta asked with a curious tone.

Troy was about to pass it to her before Pierce spoke up, "Attention, Troy, if you give it to her you will never have it back. I know her kind."

"Excuse me?" Britta asked, outraged, "You said that because of my elfish heritage?"

"No…" Pierce answered matter-of-factly, "… I said that because you're a lesbian."

They began to argue.

Marrrrr sighed, standing up unnoticed by anyone but Abed and going toward Hector.

* * *

"… _All those Goblins probably had families, mothers and wives to go to at the end of the day. They probably just looted and pillaged to maintain them. Or maybe they were mentally controlled. Or…_"

Marrrrr dropped near her, startling her.

"So, kid, how you're doing? Because if you need someone to talk too…"

She gave him a suspicious look, "Since now, you've never wanted to have anything to do with my problems, Marrrrr…"

He scoffed, "I usually don't, boy, but right now I pretty much prefer to deal with a shell-shocked teenager then with 4 arguing idiots." He gestured towards their friends.

Troy was holding Britta by the arms, stopping her for assaulting Pierce while he was held by Shirley's HOLD PERSON spell.

Abed was staring at her and Marrrrr.

He waved at her.

She timidly waved at him.

She grunted in pain.

Marrrrr eyed Anna's chest, where the arrows had pierced her armor.

"It seems that your wounds has not been yet medicated, boy."

Anna blushed at the man attention to her chest, "I-it's just a flesh wound. I'm sure Zippy-De-Do will…"

"Zippy-De-Do is now engaged in riot control…" He said, drawing some bandages from his bag of holdings, "… I guess you will have to settle with me. Take off your chest-plate."

She gave him an alarmed look, "W-what?!"

"Take off your chest-plate, I need to bandage the wounds."

"N-no!" She said, trying to distance herself from Marrrrr.

"Fine, kid, if you don't want to collaborate…" He forcibly took her chest-plate in his hands, making her shriek as he yanked her out of it.

It fell on the ground with a thud.

"Good, and now…" He stopped, staring at Anna's chest. Or at least, at the _very genre-revealing_ part of Anna's chest, barely covered by the shirt she usually kept between her armor and her body.

"Told you I wasn't a boy…" Anna whispered, blushing harder.

He slowly gulped.

"Well…" He said with a gravelly tone, "… Maybe you're right and your wounds can wait for Zippy-De-Do to…"

* * *

"And then Caroline began to feel disappointment…"

"LET ME GO, TROY, I PROMISE THAT I WILL NOT HURT HIM… MUCH!"

"… Disappointment which quickly began to fed her already present crush for the older man…"

"STOP HOLDING ME, DWARF! I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR "BAGS OF GOLD". OR WHATEVER DO YOU CALL YOUR GAY LOVERS NOW!"

"… Which pushed her spirit to try to do something she would have deemed impossible for her…"

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"… Flirt with him."

* * *

"Come on, Marrrrr, don't tell me that's the first time you've medicated the wounds of a woman?" She said, trying to seductively bat her eyes, "I don't mind you doing it."

She mentally high-fived herself for not letting herself blush while saying that.

He froze, "You know that I would have to do it with your… Ehm… chest bare, right?"

Color drained from her face, "In retrospect, maybe waiting for Zippy-De-Do is a better idea…"

"Yeah…"

"Yeah…"

They shared a moment, their eyes now locked in an awkward silence.

"Do you need help…?" Abed asked, seemingly appeared out of nowhere, standing next to the two sitting friends.

They both jumped.

"No!" They yelled together, giving each other a weird look shortly after.

"I mean…" Marrrrr said, backtracking, "… I'm sure that Hector…"

"Caroline…" Anna said absent-mindedly.

"W-what?" Marrrrr asked, startled.

"My name is Caroline Decker…" She said, turning then towards Abed, "… And seriously, Abed, what was the point of making me pose as a boy? It didn't even last two weeks."

"None in particular…" He said, giving them a last stare before going back to the rest of the group, "… None in particular."

He smiled to himself as Marrrrr and Anna returned to sit in silence, him trying desperately to stare at anything but her chest.

* * *

They were camping near a lake. Pierce was swimming in it, occasionally diving underwater, Abed and Shirley Air Walking above, healing him and giving him additional breath.

Britta was tending Troy's Pegasus, one of his wings wounded during the fight, while the monk was helping her/silently panicking.

Marrrrr was polishing one of his crossbows with an handkerchief, sitting on the ground, as Anna approached him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes, but don't aspect me to answer." He said, his eyes never leaving his crossbow.

"How can you do it?" She asked somberly, sitting near him.

"Well, I just tune out my head from the outside world while I keep gently stroking them…"

"GAY!" Pierce shouted, briefly emerging from the lake.

Marrrrr grunted as the old man dived again.

"No, I mean, how can you kill people and…"

"No, wait…" He said in a bemused tone, looking up at her "… Are we seriously having this conversation?"

"What conversation?" She asked, puzzled.

"The: "I'm a poor, innocent girl who's asking the brutal, ruthless adventurer how he manages to live with himself after all those years of killing"? Because… That's nuts."

She gasped indignantly.

"I mean… I've seen you bathe in giant spider's blood, for Gods' sake! After slaying 7 of them! Doing all of that while laughing!"

"That… wasn't one of my best moment…" She begrudgingly confessed, casting her gaze down.

He gave her a fond look, "Look, kid…"

"I'm not a kid." She bitterly muttered.

"Look, Caroline…" He corrected himself, "… It's perfectly normal to feel guilty when you kill someone, even when the killed are murderous giant spiders…"

"Really…?" She squeaked hopefully, rising her eyes at him.

"Yeah…" He said, smiling at her, "… I still remember when I started this job. I was just an orphan boy, barely your age, left alone in this mad, cruel world, my two crossbows being my only possession. I too was scared and guilty after my first…"

"… 47th" She corrected him.

"… 47th… Wow, you kept track of them…?"

"No…" She said moodily, "… Abed did"

"Abed, obviously. Now, where was I…?" He rewound his speech in his mind, "Oh, yes! …I too was scared and guilty after my 47th kill, and trust me, I still am every time I'm forced to take a life, but…"

"You didn't seem so much guilty of ending that man life at the tavern…" She recollected with an uncertain tone.

"But trust me, I was…" He lied, "… Also, it's not like he really died there…"

She gave him a quizzical look, "… What do you mean?"

"Well, everyone knows that you can be resurrected after a maximum of 48 hours from the death by the public healers for a small price, so…"

Anna tried to fight the oncoming tears.

"… Oh, crap, what have I said now?" He asked, concerned for the brunette's mood swing.

"_I could have saved Vaughn! I just needed to bring him and his friends to the healers! But I didn't do it. I was too much engrossed in my new life as an adventurer to care about them! I really am a monster…_"

She tightly hugged Marrrrr, desperately trying to feel that at least someone was still there for her, even after everything she'd done.

He stiffened before reciprocating the hug, comfortingly stroking her back with his hand.

Tears fell from her eyes as she began to cry, soaking Marrrrr's shirt.

Fact that made him flinch less then he would have expected.

* * *

_And so the 7 heroes began their epic journey in the kingdom of Greendelia._

_Many adventures they had together during those times, while merrily looting ancient temples and slaying dragons, always learning valuable lessons as "Friendship is a magic", "Don't think. Feel" and "Don't send two of your projections on two different dates in the same building while preventing with the aid of the Coat Girl the two couples to meet each other. Just aim to the Coat Girl already."_

_With time, they began to open more to each other, starting to grow fond of their other comrades, gaining that kind of bond that usually comes to people who're used to save each other lives on a daily basis._

_Thing that, thinking about it, mostly happened between Marrrrr and Anna._

_They even began to grow fond of Pierce, despite his obnoxious personality. So, even after his money had ran out and he could no more pay them, they still permitted him to remain with them. Because he was now part of the family._

_And also because he controlled an All-Powerful Dragon that could wipe them out of existence by only rising an eyebrow._

_But unfortunately, all good sagas must come to an end…_

* * *

"Alright…" Marrrrr began as he cautiously entered the ruins of a giant castle with his friends and Draconis, his crossbows in his hands, "… Let's get the stuff our employer wants and get the hell out of here."

Abed had previously received a call on his Palantìr from an hooded man who had tasked them in the retrieval of a magical cauldron from the ruins of the "Castle of Dooms and Endings", promising them 5000 golden pieces each once ended the task.

The group was obviously skeptic of such generosity, but Abed had reassured them, stating that the hooded man was someone he personally knew, and that he would never break one of his deals once made.

So they had embraced in this task, lured by money and loot.

They had changed a lot during their journeys.

During one of their temple raiding, Anna had gained a magical heavy-armor, capable to shape-shift itself at the wearer's will, but only if the matching magical cloak was still attached to it. The ghosts of her victims were still tormenting her, but she was managing to contain her bloodlust during the fights.

Britta had now lost all of her Pegasi. The seven of them had thrown themselves against a wingless, bipedal, incapable of fire-breathing and small-armed dragon that was about to eat her, falling and drowning with him in a swamp. She had cried all night for that, Troy and Abed at her side.

After losing Derpy, Troy had understood that what they were doing wasn't a game, and that they could lose each other any second. That made him thinks more about his friendship with Abed. And Britta.

After long contemplation, Zippy-De-Do had returned to her home on the mountains. She had explained them that she had to take her responsibilities as a clan chief and that she could no more run away from them. Her decision had startled the six adventurers, only now understanding how few they knew about her. She was still in contact with them through her Palantìr, sometimes teleporting to them some Dwarven Bread or a couple of Healing Potions, but it wasn't the same thing without her around.

Pierce, Master of Draconis, Heir of the Hawthorne Family, Owner of the Duquesne Blade, Wearer of the Elven Cloak and Lord of the Dance, had learnt only one lesson from his journeys: "You can always count on your friends, even when you're an evil bastard who's mind-controlling a God in the form of a Dragon."

For him, it was enough to learn.

Marrrrr was still friend with them. He had found himself thinking that in some sort of disgust, two or three month after the beginning of their quests, but now, as they entered a castle who was screaming Final Dungeon at them, he had found he didn't care. They were his family, the one he had never really had, the one he will protect, the one that will love him. Why fight his feelings for them?

Abed hadn't changed at all.

* * *

They entered a big, empty hall, three doors in front of them, the one behind them automatically locking itself.

As they approached the center of the room, hordes of goblins swarmed from some tunnels above their heads, heading towards them.

"IT'S A TRAP!" Abed yelled, him and his friends ready to fight.

"YOU DON'T SAY?!" Marrrrr yelled back, already shooting at the goblins.

"Scatter them!" a Goblin Warlord with Asian features commanded his soldiers from somewhere in the swarm.

"IT'S CHANG!" Anna yelled in between slashing and blocking.

"HOW THE HELL DID HE MANAGED TO FIND US?!" Britta shouted as she tried to defend herself from the goblins.

Wave after wave of goblins swarmed upon them, as each enemy they killed other two appeared. They began to feel tired.

A goblin jumped, up in the air, his sword ready to hit Anna.

She didn't notice him.

Marrrrr did.

He jumped, positioning himself between the goblin's sword and Anna.

The sword cut through his left shoulder. He screamed in agony.

"Marrrrr!" Anna turned as her taller friend fell on the ground for the pain.

She began to see red.

"_DIE! ALL GOBLINS MUST DIE! I WILL NOT STOP MYSELF UNTILL EVERY SINGLE DROP OF THEIR BLOOD WILL BE SPILLED ON THE GROUND! THERE WILL BE NO…"_

"Caroline!" Britta yelled from somewhere outside her cloud of anger, "… We need to flee! Take Marrrrr and run away through the nearest door! We will meet back at the camp outside! Now go!"

Her vision cleared as she saw her friend on the ground.

She grabbed him, trying to make him stand up.

"Marrrrr, can you hear me? We need to flee!"

He stumbled, rising from the ground.

The both reached the nearest door as the goblins were trying to climb the hill formed by their friends' dead bodies.

The two heroes closed the door behind them, bolting it with a wooden board.

They ran through the corridor as they heard small thuds from behind the door.


End file.
